Camera-savvy friend explains every goddamn button

VANCOUVER – After having expressed mild excitement about the purchase of a new camera to a friend who once took a photography course, local woman Tiffany Tsu has been forced to endure a tut…

NRA demands tougher regulations on presidential tears

WASHINGTON DC – Following a press conference where President Obama was moved to tears while discussing recent horrific mass shootings, the National Rifle Association has demanded that Congr…

Here’s how I would have ruined The Force Awakens

BY: GEORGE LUCAS Over the decades, fans have come to expect a certain standard from me; now as the torch is passed on to a new generation of fans (and filmmakers), it’s disappointing to see funda…

Every major news outlet asking why rest of media hasn’t called Oregon militia ‘terrorists’

TORONTO – The Toronto Star has become the 27th newspaper to run an op-ed accusing the rest of the North American newsmedia of refusing to label the Oregon occupiers as ‘insurgents,…

TTC uses fare hike to fund new service outage announcement system

TORONTO – In a press conference yesterday, the Toronto Transit Commission announced that thanks to funds raised by recently announced fare hikes, the transit system would be launching a bra…

6-year-old placed on travel security list for radical beliefs in Santa Claus

Canadian born 6-year-old Syed Adam Ahmed has been placed on a travel security risk list following the revelation of his radical beliefs in Santa Claus. Markham resident Ahmed was labelled DHP, or…

No you come out of the supply closet

By: Darryl Bowden I’m getting real sick of this. Every time I go into the supply closet at work, everyone expects that I’m going to come out within the hour. But I’m not. Why? B…

UN sends 40,000 peacekeepers to stabilize United States

GENEVA – Following reports of sustained violence and the rise of dangerous militant and political groups, the United Nations is allocating 40,000 peacekeepers to the US in an attempt to mai…

Nike boosts sales with new shoes targeted at young, wealthy centipedes

NEW YORK – Nike announced today that 2015 was its most successful year ever, crediting their massive increase in sales to a specialty line of sneakers that targeted the under-served “young,…

Bunny reporter tired of writing fluff pieces

BANFF, AB- Jounalist for the Banff National Park News  Hoppy McWhiskers has recently spoken out about what he believes is a pattern of discrimination at the paper. McWhiskers, who joined the pape…