Local startup hopes foosball table will distract employees from lack of benefits
VANCOUVER — Local startup CompuComp recently acquired a large foosball table for its office break room in the hopes that it would distract employees from the lack of benefits, adequate comp…
Justin Trudeau takes drag off cigarette, adjusts leather jacket, swears in as PM
OTTAWA – Just before being sworn in as Canada’s Prime Minister, Liberal leader Justin Trudeau stood in the darkened alley by Rideau Hall and took a long puff of his cigarette before flickin…
Tesla updates cars with auto-road-rage feature
PAULO ALTO – On the heels of its revolutionary release of autopilot software for its Model S car, electric vehicle maker Tesla Motors has complemented the innovation with an auto-road-rage mode t…
Fuck you
BY: RT. HON. STEPHEN HARPER, FORMER PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA As my final act as Prime Minister of Canada, there is something I would like to express to all Canadians from coast-to-coast-to-coast;…
50% female cabinet appointments lead to 5000% increase in guys who suddenly care about merit in cabinet
OTTAWA – With Prime Minister designate Justin Trudeau preparing to announce a cabinet that is 50% women, researchers have discovered a sharp 5000% increase in the number of men who suddenly…
BREAKING: Police investigating after toothbrush found in child’s Halloween candy
MISSISSAUGA — Peel Regional Police are investigating after a child reportedly found a non-candy item in her trick-or-treat loot. “On the evening of the 31st, an nine-year-old child reported…
Hipster alien only does artisanal crop ovals
NEW MEXICO – Resident alien Credacorh Zaph has become disaffected by the mass production of crop circles over the last few decades and has turned his back on them in favour of roughly hewn but lo…
IOC announces new herniated disc throw event
LAUSANNE — The International Olympic Committee said it will be featuring the new herniated disc throw in both men and women’s categories. “For millennia, athletes have practiced this ancien…
Margaret Wente renews demon blood-pact
CANADA – With All Hallows’ Eve approaching and 100 new moons having passed since her last engagement with the blood demon Vasnarskabb, Globe and Mail columnist Margaret Wente has rene…
Temporary foreign robots to replace domestic robots that replaced human workers
OTTAWA — Several Canadian manufacturing companies announced that the domestic robots that replaced thousands of Canadian workers will be replaced by temporary foreign robots. Canada’s new a…
