OTTAWA – After presidential candidate Donald Trump remarked that the Canadian healthcare system was “catastrophic,” experts at Health Canada say Trump’s constant sniffling could easily be taken ...
Dozens injured as Nobel laureates brawl with MacArthur Fellows in Stockholm back alley
STOCKHOLM, Sweden – Just hours after being recognized for their academic and scientific achievements, the 2016 Nobel Prize Laureates engaged in a violent brawl with the 2016 MacArthur Fellows, l...
Canadians thankful for harvest or St. Lawrence voyage or something
OTTAWA – Canadians nationwide are gathering with friends and family to give thanks for the harvest or a historical St. Lawrence voyage or whatever. “My family always has a big turkey dinner on t...
New mother kicked-out of restaurant for breastfeeding self
KAMLOOPS, B.C. – Local mother Tabitha McMillian is speaking up against what she is calling the unjust shame imposed on women’s bodies, after she was asked to leave a restaurant for breastfeeding...
New PQ leader to add ‘maybe’ to referendum options
QUEBEC – The new Leader of the Parti Québécois has vowed to introduce a third ‘maybe’ option in the event of an another referendum. Jean-François Lisée promised that, in the event of a referendu...
Disaster looms as man’s balls become itchy just five minutes into transit commute
TORONTO – Tensions are high on the 7 Bathurst bus this morning, as local man Michael Burke’s balls have become itchy only minutes after beginning his morning commute to work. “This is bad,...
Baby shocked to learn its name is Wayne
WEYBURN, SK – As local infant Wayne Bender gained an increased sense of awareness of the world Thursday, he was startled to discover his name was, in fact, Wayne. What began as a thrilling morni...
Study: Yes you should become a DJ
KINGSTON – A recently published multidisciplinary research study at Queen’s University has concluded that yes, you should totally be a DJ. “We rated performance in a variety of categories, and r...
EDITORIAL: Just a heads up that Tommy is bringing a Chinese girl to Thanksgiving this year – by Aunt Pam
Hi all, it’s your Aunt Pam writing with the annual Thanksgiving instruction e-mail. I have some important news to tell everyone so please read this carefully. I just got off the phone with Nancy and s...
Blue Jays conspiracy theorists cling to “second thrower” theory
TORONTO – With police claiming to have identified the man who threw a beer can onto the field during Tuesday’s wild-card game, a vocal subset of fans insist there was an unidentified “second thr...
