Trudeau edges budget halfway off table to demonstrate it balancing itself

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has silenced critics by carefully placing the Liberal government’s budget halfway off of a table, where according to sources it teetered precariously …

Rob Ford’s death hitting nation way harder than expected

TORONTO – Although he was by all accounts a bad mayor and a deeply flawed person, the nation has been surprised to find itself bereft by the loss of one of its most notable public figures. …

Sophie Trudeau interrupts husband’s budget speech with spirited rendition of ‘Ol’ Man River.’

OTTAWA — Sophie Gregoire-Trudeau stole the spotlight from her husband today, halting his parliamentary budget speech with an inspiring interpretation of a classic piece of African American strugg…

Loudmouth spoils ending to World War II

SPOILER ALERT: World War II in Colour ANTIGONISH, NS — Local man Jacob Morley is infuriated after the ending of the Second World War was revealed to him while in the middle of watching a do…

North Korea continues to wage bitter war against the sea

SEOUL – South Korea’s Joint Chiefs of Staff have confirmed that North Korea launched a series of short range projectiles into the Sea of Japan on Monday morning, the latest salvo in North Korea’s…

Local depanneur sheds cocoon, emerges as majestic Couche-Tard

MONTREAL — Reports have come in that, in the early hours Tuesday morning, the depanneur on the corner of St. Laurent and St. Felicia had finally emerged from its cocoon as a glorious and be…

Anonymous accuses dozens of people of being Donald Trump

NEW YORK — Just days after declaring “total war” on GOP frontrunner Donald Trump, hacker collective Anonymous has wasted no time in accusing dozens of private citizens around the world of b…

ISIS fighters defect to join small midwestern town

AL-RAQQAH, SYRIA – Sources inside the Islamic State expressed shock today as several fighters boarded aircraft for Missouri with the intention of dwelling peacefully in the quiet suburb of …

Rogers Wireless reports $10 million profit from people calling CRTC to complain about Rogers Cable

TORONTO – Rogers Wireless, Canada’s largest cellular communications company, achieved an unexpected $10,000,000.00 profit as a result of the amount of time Canadians are spending on their p…

Human Rights Commission awards atheist $14,000 for being repeatedly “blessed” after sneezing

TORONTO — A Markham man was awarded $14,000 by the Ontario Human Rights Commission and forced his co-workers to apologize after he was “politely proselytized” at his workplace whenever he s…