Justin Trudeau insists new beard completely unrelated to polls
VANCOUVER – Justin Trudeau arrived to a speaking engagement today with what witnesses say was a kempt, salt-and-pepper beard that gave him an air of maturity he had previously lacked in the…
Astronomical Union threatens planetary status of Neptune if funding demands not met
PARIS – In a surprise press conference this morning, International Astronomical Union President Norio Kaifu announced that, unless funding goals were met within the next 24 hours, the body would …
Occasion to drink, do drugs marred by presence of music lovers
ATLIN, BC – In what should have been a fun, substance-fueled weekend for a group of young people has been ruined by well-behaved music lovers attending a weekend festival. Local youths were…
PAN AM UPDATE: CANADA WINS GREEN IN WATER HOCKEY
TORONTO – After a breathtaking match against Suriname, the Canadian water hockey team has surged to victory, claiming Canada’s first green ribbon in the 2015 Pan Am Games. “We went out ther…
Saskatchewan man refuses to lower Confederate flag until someone explains what it means
Craven, Saskatchewan – After many were offended by the dozens of Confederate flags spotted at the Craven Country Jamboree, local man Erik Gibson has refused to remove his flag from his truc…
Starbucks to add coffee large enough for customers to climb inside, immerse selves, forget everything
SEATTLE – Starbucks has announced the addition of a new beverage size to the Starbucks menu, one that is large enough for customers to scale, climb inside, and forget everything happening i…
Visa offers Greece another credit card, increased spending limit
ATHENS – After opening his mail early this morning, Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras was surprised to discover he and 11 million other citizens were approved for another credit card and …
New Conservative attack ads target each individual Canadian
OTTAWA – The Conservative government has announced plans to amp up their election advertisements by releasing 35 million new attack ads aimed at smearing each living Canadian. “Unfortunatel…
Pan Am games to hold all hurdling competitions on Highway 400 HOV lane
TORONTO – Less than 48 hours before opening ceremonies, the Pan Am games organizers have announced that the 110 and 400 metre hurdle events will be moved from the stadium at York University…
BC wildfires destroy world’s oldest grow-op
PORT ALBERNI – In a development that has many British Columbia residents shocked, a 82-year-old marijuana grow-operation, known affectionately to residents as ‘Old Wheezy’, was destroyed after fi…
