Conservative Party Leadership Profile: Brad Trost - The Beaverton

Conservative Party Leadership Profile: Brad Trost


While his precise birth date is unknown, archaeologists have determined Trost was born sometime around 1095 AD at the beginning of the Crusades. He studied geophysics and ‘Old-Time Religion’ at the University of Saskatchewan, where his classmates voted him as “Most Likely to Be Early for an Anti-Abortion Rally”. Before running for office, some of Trost’s achievements included managing the family farm and teaching Russians how to speak English in the event Canada invades their country. He is best known for single-handedly running the pagans out of Saskatoon and is the only current MP mentioned in the Bible.

– Change O Canada so that it mentions “God” three more times and adds “homosexuality is an abomination”
– Increase the number of wheat fields down yonder and corn as high as an elephant’s eye by 25%
– Construct more 6-lane pipelines
– Demand scientists admit climate change is the greatest fraud since Darwin’s Origin of Species
– Reaffirm his support for gun owners by firing his shotgun into the air once every hour

Political base
Those who are aware that he’s an MP and running for leadership, but are unaware of his beliefs

How he plans on winning
Divine intervention