Justin Trudeau misses budget vote while staring at his own reflection
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau missed a crucial vote on the proposed Liberal budget this morning after the Prime Minister spent too long staring at himself in the bathroom mirror again. “I apologi…
A message from the Beaverton’s new editor-in-chief, Ezra Levant
BY: EZRA LEVANT Dear fellow Canadian patriots, I am truly happy to finally be employed again. Getting appointed to editor-in-chief of a trusted news source sure beats the heck out of living in yo…
Toronto Sun owner Postmedia purchases the Beaverton
TORONTO – Postmedia Network Inc. (“Postmedia”) today announced the acquisition of the Beaverton website and all related print and television properties. The Beaverton, widely regarded as the prem…
Swiss Chalet acquires St. Hubert to streamline torture of nation’s chickens
MONTREAL — Swiss Chalet has announced that their $537 million acquisition of St. Hubert will make the cruel and unusual treatment endured by Canada’s poultry much more efficient. “Instead o…
Conservationists mourn loss of world’s last remaining untattooed line cook
VANCOUVER – Anthropologists and Conservationists around the world are mourning a drastic loss of human diversity after the death of Dave Laskowski, 54, reputed to be the last line cook livi…
Local man wears new $500 suit to interview for unpaid internship
MONTREAL – After spending most of his savings on a new blue pinstripe suit and pressed white-collared shirt, recent graduate Lewis Carlson feels he has a shot at getting an unpaid internshi…
Twitter hate wrongly directed at user with same name as Voldemort
FREDERICTON – In their hurry to condemn a controversial public figure on social media, hundreds of people continue to wrongfully direct angry messages, verbal abuse and harassment towards o…
New Montreal Metro cars feature razor edged doors to decrease delays
MONTREAL — Montreal metro riders on the new AZUR cars have already experienced a quicker rider thanks to the sharp, guillotine-like blades that slice away any potential delay blocking the d…
Heroic man saves woman from having to read book on subway
TORONTO – Local man Chris Reuben is a hero today after his quick thinking and intervention saved Louisa Valdez from reading her book on the subway. “When I saw the book I knew I only had se…
Experts: your kids may be using internet to look up recipes containing gluten
TORONTO – Police and educators say that parents aren’t educating their children enough about internet use, and warn that a growing number of young people are using the internet to search fo…
