St. Patrickk’s Dayysydy iS toFdAYyyyy!
TORORNNTO? – Hey! Hey everybody! Local reportings told me today that today is St. Patrick’ss dayys! Yeah! HELL YEAH! According to this guy encountered at this bar that serves really, really great…
Citing missed deadlines and delays, ISIS cancels Bombardier order
MOSUL, IRAQ – ISIS has announced plans to cancel its order of 20 Bombardier Innovia APM Light Rail cars amid repeated setbacks and disappointments. “To be quite honest, we are very upset” said Mo…
Local man proud of Canadian-made ketchup from tomatoes picked by temporary foreign worker
LEAMINGTON, ON — Local man Kyle Matheson is proud to purchase and use French’s Ketchup knowing that the tomatoes were grown and harvested in Canada by a temporary foreign worker from Jamaic…
Vancouver luxury condo revealed to be cluster of oil soaked rags
VANCOUVER – Purchasers of units within Vancouver’s luxury condo, “The Pacific”, were dismayed to find that the building they were preparing to move into was in fact just a large cluster of oil so…
Manitoba Election 2016: Party Platforms
Manitobans go to the polls on April 19th. Can the NDP hold onto power after 16 years? Or will the PC’s get a chance to form government? Or will the underdog Liberals come from behind in an upset?…
Ted Rogers statue receives better police treatment than actual human women
TORONTO – Following an incident in which police visited a man who jokingly threatened to tear down the Ted Rogers statue, Toronto police have warned citizens that they take online threats o…
‘GOP polls that dismissed Trump were laughable’ says Democrat whose polls dismiss Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. – While mocking 2015 polls that said Donald Trump couldn’t possibly win the GOP nomination, DNC political operative Colin McCallum maintained that his own internal polls sh…
Nation worried about spying, says CSIS review of private correspondences
OTTAWA – An in-depth survey by the Canadian Security Intelligence Service has found Canadians are deeply troubled by the idea of mass surveillance, according to their personal letters and d…
Local couple buys last affordable piece of non-haunted Toronto real estate
TORONTO – A local couple has purchased Toronto’s last piece of real estate that could reasonably be maintained by an average-income family, that is also free of tormented spirits. “We…
Mississauga woman wins largest ever Lotto 649 jackpot, can finally move to Toronto
MISSISSAUGA — A Mississauga woman has won a $64,000,000 lottery jackpot, finally affording her the financial freedom to actually purchase property in Toronto. The winner couldn’t believe he…
