REGINA – Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall is taking decisive action to address his province’s HIV crisis by demanding the federal government explain how the Syrian refugees are to blame for the outbreak.
With an HIV rate twice the national average and infection rates comparable to developing countries, Premier Wall is at a loss to find a non-refugee explanation. The Saskatchewan Party has pledged to continue cutting health care positions and education, in order to reinvest the money towards investigating how the resettled Syrians are causing the outbreak.
“Now is the time to wildly speculate about how the refugees caused this problem,” explained Wall to the press. “Did they carry it in their bags? Or perhaps they hid the disease in their smiles and expressions of appreciation. We can’t be sure, but we have to assume that all this is true.”
Some of the 900 refugees are also being blamed on the Saskatchewan Roughriders poor CFL performance this year with a woeful 2-10 record thus far and little chance of making the playoffs.
“It’s very apparent that the injury of [Saskatchewan Roughrider Guard] Chris Best was caused by the refugees since he had his mind on them rather than the game,” added Wall.
According to sources, Wall was sure that the displaced people were causing Regina drivers to stop in a merge lane.