New Montreal Metro cars feature razor edged doors to decrease delays
MONTREAL — Montreal metro riders on the new AZUR cars have already experienced a quicker rider thanks to the sharp, guillotine-like blades that slice away any potential delay blocking the d…
Heroic man saves woman from having to read book on subway
TORONTO – Local man Chris Reuben is a hero today after his quick thinking and intervention saved Louisa Valdez from reading her book on the subway. “When I saw the book I knew I only had se…
Experts: your kids may be using internet to look up recipes containing gluten
TORONTO – Police and educators say that parents aren’t educating their children enough about internet use, and warn that a growing number of young people are using the internet to search fo…
UPDATE: Squirrel still deciding if it should finish crossing road
WILLOWDALE, ON – Traffic on a Willowdale street is still at a standstill, as a local squirrel decides if it should finish crossing the road or go back the way it came. According to reports,…
Makeshift memorial erected at Yukon liquor store for tragic loss of beer
WHITEHORSE — Candles, empty bottles and cards expressing grief were quietly laid outside of Yukon Liquor Corporation’s store on 2nd Avenue to commemorate the memory of beer that will never …
News story about contaminated chocolate milk has local man really craving chocolate milk
TORONTO – A recent news story about recalled Beatrice chocolate milk being contaminated with sanitizers has local man Alex Hallman really craving chocolate milk. “Something something chemic…
Nation’s women fucking done with this shit
CANADA – Sources report that the nation’s women are so fucking done with all this goddamn bullshit. If you assault women, it’s your fault, and your problem. Fucking get it together or get t…
Ghomeshi Judge: “We must fight against the stereotype that women tell the truth”
TORONTO – In a decisive ruling, Ghomeshi trial Judge William Horkins urged Canadians to remain vigilant against the baseless notion that women are ever truthful about sexual assault, victim…
Clown car careens off cliff, hundreds dead
TORONTO – Tragedy struck the 401 Express today as a car carrying several clowns careened off of a steep embankment while en route to the upcoming Oshawa Clown Festival. First responder Alex Hinds…
Ghomeshi thanks Crown, police for their excellent work on his defence
TORONTO — Former CBC personality Jian Ghomeshi expressed his appreciation for the police and prosecution, thanking them for all their hard work in ensuring his acquittal on charges of sexua…
