It doesn’t matter why I’m asking, and I am certainly not going to attack you or anything, but if it came down to a contest of physical supremacy between you and I, who would emerge the victor? Sources...
Man on bus needs to tell someone, anyone that it’s 4:20 PM
TORONTO – After looking at his watch and stifling a giggle, local man Dave Calhoun is now trying to make eye-contact with literally anybody else on the bus, so that he can let them know it’s 4:2...
Congress delivers final insult to Obama by keeping White House security deposit
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than two weeks left in the White House, U.S. President Barack Obama was surprised to discover Congress would not be returning the $650 security deposit he gave them ...
Justin Trudeau’s Liberals discover a new health benefit of medical marijuana
Tonight at 10pm ET on The Comedy Network: Justin Trudeau’s Liberals discover a new health benefit of medical marijuana....
What, you thought I liked normal sex?
Yesterday as I was enjoying my standard evening of watching youtube clips of houses burning down and berating my youngest son for no reason I saw a breaking CNN report about my longstanding ties to Ru...
Adorable! Five puppies who are sick of being your emotional crutch
All puppies are cute. But these five have a certain je ne sais quoi that really makes them cry out “Stop making me the symbol of all the love you haven’t received!” Whether it’s their sweet, high-pitc...
Local 26 year-old thought more about croissants than own parents this week
VANCOUVER – As he took stock of his week on Saturday afternoon, local 26 year-old Kyle Allen realized that he had spent more time thinking about croissants than about the two people who conceive...
1000 year old wizard reclaims word “millennial”
SUDBURY – Prominent sorcerer of darkness Ragnicius the Cobbled has recently announced plans to reappropriate the term “millennial” to denote the demographic of wizards born before the firs...
Report: 78% of nation’s municipal infrastructure funds spent on single Montreal overpass
MONTREAL — An audit has revealed that tens of billions in infrastructure spending has been dedicated to repairing a single overpass along Autoroute 15 in Montreal. All other national infrastruc...
Rookie Minister of Youth Justin Trudeau survives Trudeau’s cabinet shuffle
OTTAWA – Despite a cabinet shuffle that saw prominent MPs Stephane Dion and John McCallum moved aside, inexperienced Minister of Intergovernmental Affairs and Youth Justin Trudeau has managed to...
