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Rookie Minister of Youth Justin Trudeau survives Trudeau’s cabinet shuffle

OTTAWA – Despite a shuffle that saw prominent MPs Stephane Dion and John McCallum moved aside, inexperienced Minister of Intergovernmental Affairs and Youth has managed to retain his position.

“I am sad to see great colleagues like Mr. McCallum leave Cabinet – he really took me under his wing and taught me a lot,” said the fresh faced Trudeau, who many were surprised to see appointed in the first place given his lack of previous government work and a resume that wasn’t exactly sparkling.

“But I look forward to continuing to spend the 1 to, at most, 2 hours a week I currently do making sure the governments uh, intergovern and the youth…grow up right?”

Trudeau has been accused by many of being an absentee Minister, leaving the department in the hands of bureaucrats while he devotes attention to fundraising, visits abroad and selfies. Even his colleagues were surprised by his continued role in government.

“He isn’t the best speaker – he has a bit of a lisp and says umm a lot. And he is so cheesy! Frankly having him represent our government, even in a relatively minor role, is a bit embarrassing,” said cabinet member .

Across the floor, some MPs suggested nefarious reasons for why the government continues to keep him on.

“He is very close to the PM’s family,” said . “Maybe it’s that, or he has some kind of dirt on him. Only corruption or nepotism could explain this.”

At press time Trudeau was really hoping no one called on him during Question Period.

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book