BY: PETER G. GRIMSHAW Your mother and I are very, very disappointed in you and your behaviour on this sacred annual day. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for ruining National Flag of Canada Day! Fi...
Major security breach: Donald Trump’s personal phone is an outdated Fisher-Price model
This is major: after a campaign that focused relentlessly on Hillary Clinton’s use of an unsecured email server, it has now come to light that the president’s phone is an outdated Fisher-Price model t...
McGill students endorse plan to battle fascism by punching Jews
MONTREAL – Yesterday the Students’ Society of McGill University voted to support a representative’s calls to combat the growing tide of alt-right sentiment and neo-fascist rhetoric by tracking d...
Liberals to let teenagers smoke weed, as long as they do it with their parents
“We should go swimming.” Final episode of The Beaverton Season One airs tonight, 10pm (et) on Comedy Network....
Michel Therrien to take over struggling Timbits Hockey team
MONTREAL – Former Habs coach Michel Therrien has been quickly picked up by a struggling Gatineau Timbits Hockey team who started off the season with promise, but dropped their past five games. C...
Surrey, BC to name Burning Garbage Bag city’s official bird
Surrey, BC – City officials in Surrey, British Columbia have announced that they plan on designating a Burning Garbage Bag as the city’s official bird. Although the decision was made fairly quic...
Report: Valentine’s Day doesn’t buy into you either, Craig
BRAMPTON, ON – According to a recent report, Valentine’s Day has ceased to believe in Brampton resident Craig Moore. “We’re not going taking part in Craig this year,” read a statement from Valen...
Nation’s doctors demand musicians stop consulting them about love, having blues
OTTAWA – As hospitals and family doctors find themselves increasingly overworked in the winter months, a statement released today by the Canadian Medical Association is imploring musicians and s...
Arby’s responds to KFC’s Valentines Fried Chicken Bouquet with Roast Beef Lingerie
ATLANTA – Refusing to be deterred by competitor KFC’s Fried Chicken Bouquet, Arby’s is celebrating Valentine’s Day with the introduction of 100% edible Roast Beef Lingerie. “When our customers t...
Report: Trump’s first mini-boss defeated
WASHINGTON – Anti-Trump activists across the country are celebrating following the resignation of National Security Advisor Michael Flynn, the first mini-boss in the gauntlet of minions which must be ...
