Coach Therrien went straight to work on trying to turn around the team of mostly kindergarteners from a motto of ‘the first goal is having fun’ to ‘score more goddamn goals.’
His first move as coach was to trade five-year-old Éric Wilson, a brash and athletic defenceman with 17 goals this season, in exchange for six-year-old Devan Laframboise, a slow moving pointman whose game doesn’t really work in the fast paced world of Timbits Hockey.
“He was an individualistic player,” said Therrien of his former player who had ambitions to be either a tree frog or an astronaut when he grew up. “He had to go for the sake of the team.”
Parents of the players immediately raised questions about the changes Therrien made including relying too heavily on their starting goaltender Brandon (9.9 GAA) and placing three forwards on the first line who spend most of their time waving at their moms.
Despite the initial controversy, Therrien remains confident that he can turn the team around. He has already taught the team of youngsters the importance of not falling and knowing which direction to push the puck forward.
“What have I told you about neutral zone forechecking!” screamed Therrien from the bench while his team was behind 11-1 in the 3rd period last night. “You kids may not know how to tie your own skates, but you could at least cover the point!”
At press time, Timbits Hockey reported that Therrien had been fired.