Labour market experts say precariously employed youth should consider organ trade
OTTAWA — Labour market experts are advising precariously employed youth to look into alternative streams of income such as the illegal international organ trade to ensure they enjoy a similar lev…
Manitoba acquires the good parts of Minneapolis
WINNIPEG – The Manitoba government has acquired the nicer areas of Minneapolis for roughly $3 billion US. Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister made the announcement of the land purchase from th…
Breaking: Dave starts 4th attempt at moustache
WINNIPEG – Multiple eyewitnesses have reported that Dave is trying to grow a moustache again. Although initial reports were mixed upon further inspection of photographic evidence, experts a…
Beaverton Sports Network: How Will the Leafs Ruin Auston Matthews?
Meet the boys of the Beaverton Sports Network as they show you huge hits, sweet snipes, and a deep, uncompromising affection for one another. Today they debate the question we all have bee…
Ontario PCs confident they can somehow squander bribery charges against top Ontario Liberals
TORONTO – Ontario’s Progressive Conservative Party officials announced today that they are optimistic they can torpedo any chance of gaining popularity among Ontarians despite bribery charg…
Report: 90% of Canadians plan to spend U.S. election day rocking back and forth while moaning softly
OTTAWA – A recent survey has revealed that 9 out of every 10 Canadians will spend the entirety of November 5 experiencing a moderate to severe panic attack, manifesting itself in curling in…
Majority of Newfoundlanders delighted to have a relative on the Supreme Court
ST. JOHN’S – With the official swearing-in of Justice Malcolm Rowe to the Supreme Court of Canada Monday afternoon, polling shows that more than 70% of Newfoundlanders are happy with the Prime Mi…
Margaret Atwood launches own lifestyle magazine
Taking a page out of Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP, Margaret Atwood has made a controversial career decision.…
Which spending scandal best describes your dad’s distrust of government?
From the Bay Street executive dad of Toronto to the walrus-hunting ataata of Tuktoyaktuk, one common thread unites all of Canada’s fathers: obsession over government spending. There’s no mistake …
Ontario Liberals give up, let each school choose their own sex-ed curriculum
Aisha Alfa reports on the Kathleen Wynne government’s plan to let each school set their own sex ed curriculum, and the wildly different lesson plans that the school boards have come …
