Nestlé outbids Ontario man for access to his body’s water
PETERBOROUGH – Local man Dave MacIsaac has been outbid by multinational food and beverage giant Nestlé, who have now secured the rights to the water which makes up 60% of his body. A spokes…
New global climate report mostly just a bunch of fire emojis
Realizing that previous attempts to communicate the urgency of global climate change to the public have been ineffective, scientists have released a report that is mostly written in fire emojis. …
America advised to pick more realistic dream
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Citing recent behaviour, a concerned group of friends and international representatives took the United States of America aside today and quietly advised it to pick a more real…
The 8 hottest MTL Blog staff who never consented to having their photo taken
Here are the Top 8 hotties of MTL Blog who did not consent to have these photos taken. URL http://depositphotos.com/46706673/stock-photo-hipster-using-laptop-at-cafe.html URL http://depositphotos…
Local imam pretty sure entire congregation CSIS agents
TORONTO – After noticing a spike in attendance, local imam Karim Al-Tamimi believes that almost all of the people who regularly attend his masjid are agents of the Canadian Security Intelli…
First Nations family waiting for adequate housing hoping to become PMO staffers
ATTAWAPISKAT, ON – After a years-long housing crisis that has left the Attawapiskat First Nation with only 340 homes for its 2,100 residents and government inaction on both the provincial and fed…
Senator tells ethics commissioner she was unaware that she was a Senator for 7 years
OTTAWA – Conservative Senator Nicole Eaton claimed Thursday that she was unaware of her appointment to the Senate some seven years ago, in addition to claiming that she was did not know she…
Massive data breach confirms your aunt is Yahoo’s only user
Sunnyvale, CA – Yahoo confirmed on Thursday that it had been subject to a major cyberattack that had compromised its usernames, hashed passwords, and security questions, all of which belong…
Millions in property damage caused as pumpkins plummet from the sky for first day of Fall
TORONTO – Reports of smashed windows, wrecked vehicles, and other wide scale property damage are coming in from around the nation today as thousands of pumpkins continue to fall from the sk…
Donald Trump loses rec center in breakdance competition with neighborhood teens
QUEENS, NEW YORK – The Donald Trump presidential campaign suffered a setback this week after the nominee lost the deed to a recreation center in a climactic pop-and-lock showdown with local…
