Trump says Canada would pay $61B for Golden Dome, or 50% off just to bribe him directly
WASHINGTON D.C. – US President Donald Trump has offered Canada the “fabulous opportunity” to either pay $61 billion to join his military’s proposed Golden Dome defense shi…
Foreign Election Interference? Mark Carney reportedly constructed his cabinet with IKEA instructions
OTTAWA – Newly-elected Prime Minister Mark Carney is already facing allegations of allowing foreign tampering in Canadian affairs, after he allowed Swedish retailer IKEA to assist him in the form…
Pierre Poilievre attends Speech From The Throne with face pressed against Senate window
OTTAWA – As King Charles read the Speech From The Throne Conservative Party of Canada leader and not MP Pierre Poilievre was seen outside the Senate with his face pressed against the window…
Mars fans anticipate trading only known habitable planet for world where any unprotected human would immediately perish
GREAT EXUMA, BERMUDA — Thousands of excited would-be Martians gathered at MarsFest to enthuse over Elon Musk’s most recent vow to colonize the categorically inhospitable Red Planet. Citing Space-…
Canada counters American annexation with reminder it already belongs to elderly King
OTTAWA – After repeated threats of annexation from Donald Trump, Canada has made the bold move of reminding the world it already bends the knee to a weird, elderly King. “Canada is a proud,…
Aging chatbot worried new chatbot hire will eventually replace it
Meta Dataplex, Arizona – Two-month old veteran AI DeepSeek1.5 has shared its recent concerns that the new up and comer DeepSeek1.6 will one day replace them. “I don’t like change,” spat Dee…
ChatGPT user delighted to combine sloth with theft
WATERLOO, ON – A local self-published “author”, Chaz Wolverton, 25, is extolling the brighter side of plagiarism engines like ChatGPT and Grok. “I’ve always been jealous of the glory…
Conservative election post-mortem determines party did everything perfectly, Poilievre super handsome
“It’s not us, it’s the voters that are wrong.” Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin and Clare Blackwood) talk about the Conservatives’ attempts to shore up support for Po…
Researchers warn Tim Horton’s in-app NHL Hockey Challenge is a gateway to drinking their coffee
HAMILTON, ON – Researchers are sounding alarm bells about the NHL Hockey Challenge on the Tim Hortons app, claiming the in-app fantasy hockey game is a ‘gateway’ that can lead users to drink the …
Leafs jersey thrown onto ice gets by Toronto’s defence and into the back of their net
TORONTO – A frustrated Maple Leafs fan threw their jersey onto the ice during a crushing 6-1 playoff defeat to the Florida Panthers, which the Leafs promptly allowed to slide past them and into t…
