“Counting games in hand we’re only the 2nd worst team in the East,” says Sens fan who picked them to make Conference Finals
OTTAWA – Having earned only 22 points the Ottawa Senators are last in the eastern conference standings. But given their games in hand they’re actually only second worst, as Sens fans …
Teen listening intently to grandmother for deep dive on latest “Nanalore”
RAWDON, QC – Local teen Ben Glasgow, age 16, was listening intently to his grandmother’s origin story to catch up on the latest “Nanalore” drop. His grandmother, Grace Glasgow, was recounti…
“Well, that’s not how they do it in Winnipeg,” says man who just returned from Winnipeg
TORONTO – After a recent weekend spent in far-flung Winnipeg, Gerald Skinner is regaling friends and family with tales of life in the exotic international city. “A chicken finger, you say? Intere…
Celebrating 20 years of legalizing same-sex marriage in Ontario: here are 5 of the most boring gay couples
20 years ago, Ontario became the first Canadian province to legalize same-sex marriage, paving the way for the other provinces, and eventually the whole country, to allow gay couples who are as b…
Audience at Shakespeare play guesses soliloquy means “he’s upset about something”
HALIFAX — The audience at Neptune Theatre’s recent production of Coriolanus came to the conclusion that, in the titular character’s soliloquy in Act Four, Scene Four, he’s angry. “He seemed prett…
Ford to bring alcohol to corner stores, in bid to get Ontario drunk enough to re-elect him
QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford has announced the province will soon allow alcohol sales in convenience stores and gas stations, in hopes that Ontarians will get so recklessly blitzed that…
Asshole overusing perfume has temerity to be offended at you holding your nose
GATINEAU, QC ― For reasons unknown to civil society, the jackass who just got off a crowded elevator cloaked in a cloud of vile, sickly-sweet toxic gas with a five-meter radius thinks that you’re…
Housecat painfully aware of how much owner’s mental health is riding on his tummy being so fluffy
WINNIPEG – In a rare display of feline self-awareness, George, an 8-year-old housecat, expressed concern over the fact that his owner Elizabeth’s mental health and happiness seemed to revol…
Weird, did you know they have conservatorships for men too?
Stop what you’re doing and prepare to panic. A new examination of American law has found that even male adults can be placed under a conservatorship. While statistically unlikely, it seems …
Apple farmers to spend winter relaxing, inventing 50 000 new varieties
Hemmingford, QC – Local apple farmer, Bud Timberson, just finished the last of his deliveries for the season and he’s quite excited about it. “Well my back hurts, my feet hurt, but overall …
