Aw, heck! Borkin pupperino did a big zoomie into oncoming traffic
The smol boi had a honkin big frighten and received a chonky cast for his snoot. Three hoomans were killed.…
Data breach raises concerns that someone now knows how stupid your passwords are
TORONTO – A recent data breach has compromised the privacy of roughly 100,000 Canadians, leaving many folks concerned that someone, somewhere is judging their choice of passwords. “Trying t…
Canada’s military to vaccinate aging equipment first
OTTAWA – The Canadian Armed Forces announced it will prioritize the oldest and most vulnerable military equipment for COVID-19 vaccination. With the average age of their equipment often two…
5 ways to console a man’s ego after calling him out on his shit
Did you disagree with a man? Is he sulking but he won’t tell you why? Are you now stuck in this odd place where he’s mad at you for calling him out, even though you were absolutely in the right t…
Middle school girl swears her eyes change colour on command, it’s just not working right now
LONDON, ON – Sources report middle school student Jasmine Keller recently claimed in front of her whole 7th grade class that her eyes change colour on command, yet when she got up to show e…
Study: “Dream cheating” revealed as number one cause of divorce among psychics
TORONTO – A new study conducted by the University of Toronto has found that the phenomenon known as “dream cheating” narrowly beat out heart line incompatibility and the unexpected presence of “T…
Quebec homeless required to find homes by 8pm every day
QUEBEC – Premier François Legault announced that as part of the new pandemic curfew starting in Quebec, all homeless people will be required to find homes by 8pm every evening. “We need the…
Trump releases another message to yesterday’s Capitol rioters: “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always”
WASHINGTON, DC – Following yesterday’s attempted coup, U.S. President Donald Trump has released a video message asking his supporters to stand down and adding that “he’ll love them forever,…
“Georgia saved America!” says American who called it a state of brainless hicks last week
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – “I’m so proud of Georgia for delivering the Senate to the Democrats,” lifelong Californian Steven Carter wrote on Facebook today, after recently dismissing the entire st…
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