Canada annexes 4 Nations Championship

BOSTON, MA – The Canadian men’s hockey team has successfully seized the 4 Nations hockey championship from their American opponents, completing their annexation of the trophy nearly halfway throu…

Man who was happy to see snow for climate change reasons now back to angry

SCARBOROUGH, ON – Local man Geoff Bridgley, who recently expressed enthusiasm at this winter’s robust snowfall in the face of bleak worldwide climate change indicators, has now revert…

New study finds pushing feelings way deep down inside is best option for everyone

Shoppers Drug Mart, Ontario – A new study from researchers at Harvard Medical has found that people who ignore their emotions and bury them deep within ends up being the best approach for s…

Meet the Canadians who support U.S. annexation: this 42 year old accountant sucks shit

Ever since polls were released showing Canadians overwhelmingly reject Donald Trump’s proposal to become the 51st state by 77-15%, the question everyone has been asking is: who the fuck are…

Doctor turns to ChatGPT for novel ways to say ‘it’s all in your head’ to female patients

Halifax, NS – Looking to take advantage of AI in his practice, Dr. Allan George turned to ChatGPT for novel ways to tell female patients “It’s all in your head.” Dr. George, a rheumatologis…

US, Russia commence Ukraine Piece Talks, where Ukraine will be carved into pieces

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA – Representatives from the United States and Russia met today to commence their “Ukraine Piece Talks” summit, wherein the two autocrat-led nations will disc…

Trump on 51st State: “Canada needs America’s protection from countries like America”

WASHINGTON D.C. – Asked about his earlier comments regarding Canada becoming the 51st state, President Donald Trump clarified that Canada needs America to offer it protection from hostile a…

Man who has spent entire political career attacking everybody promises he’ll attack Trump and Elon any minute now

OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre, who has famously spent his 21-year political career vociferously attacking any person or political entity which opposed him, has vowed to “any day now”…

Ford to execute first prisoner by using Ontario healthcare system

LONDON, ON – After Premier Doug Ford was recorded joking about bringing back the death penalty, he has since confirmed that not only will he follow through with the idea, but he is already …

Curling ad contains over two seconds of sizzling action

OTTAWA – Television viewers across the country have been wowed by a 30 second curling commercial that contains nearly 2.5 seconds of intense curling action. “I always thought curling was just an …