TORONTO – Die hard Jays fan Pat Ornelas has developed a perfect strategy for when to take bathroom breaks during lengthy games without missing anything exciting: he only goes when the team has r...
Toronto man who moved to Ottawa feeling right at home after seeing how shit their transit system is
OTTAWA – Born and raised Toronto man Kyle Chilton was nervous about moving to Ottawa when his job relocated, but says he is starting to feel at home after getting a good look at the broken down,...
Classic Canadian indie rock albums ranked by how old it makes you feel to see them called ‘classic’
For many years Canada has been at the forefront of the indie rock scene. So much so that, without you noticing, many of the albums you consider modern, relevant examples of the country’s music c...
Canada’s grocery companies pretending not to hear about falling inflation rate
OTTAWA – Statistics Canada reports that the national inflation rate has fallen for a second consecutive month, and the nation’s grocery stores are dutifully pretending not to hear about it. “Oh,...
“Where am I? What year is it?” asks man who just woke up from 30 minute nap
MONTREAL – A confused and deleterious Martin Hastings was demanding people advise him where and when he was after being unconscious for a full half an hour. “We’re sharing a hotel room while we’...
Study finds severe health consequences from drinking even one glass of paint a week
VANCOUVER – After years of advising the public to limit their paint drinking, scientists are now suggesting Canadians should avoid the consumption of paint entirely. “Groundbreaking new research tells...
Loblaws raises price of bread to exact amount of federal grocery rebate
BRAMPTON – In an effort to help Canadians struggling with inflation, Loblaws announced that they will be permanently pegging the price of bread to the exact amount of money a single adult is ent...
Canadian NHL teams ranked by how furious I would be if they win a Cup before the Leafs
No Canadian team has won the Stanley Cup since 1993 (by pure coincidence the year Gary Bettman became NHL commissioner). And every year one team gets close there is a suggestion that all Canadian hock...
Most popular Porn searches by Province
Turns out Canadians have some extremely specific tastes. Read this list to find out what people in every province are getting down to. Newfoundland: “Cum From 5 feet Away” Nova Scotia: ...
Campfire ban impeding spooky exposition at beginning of ill-fated camping trips
MANNING PROVINCIAL PARK, B.C. – Chronic dry conditions and a high risk of forest fires have resulted in a province-wide campfire ban in British Columbia, leaving many campers completely unprepar...
