Meet the Canadians who support U.S. annexation: this 42 year old accountant sucks shit
Ever since polls were released showing Canadians overwhelmingly reject Donald Trump’s proposal to become the 51st state by 77-15%, the question everyone has been asking is: who the fuck are…
Doctor turns to ChatGPT for novel ways to say ‘it’s all in your head’ to female patients
Halifax, NS – Looking to take advantage of AI in his practice, Dr. Allan George turned to ChatGPT for novel ways to tell female patients “It’s all in your head.” Dr. George, a rheumatologis…
US, Russia commence Ukraine Piece Talks, where Ukraine will be carved into pieces
RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA – Representatives from the United States and Russia met today to commence their “Ukraine Piece Talks” summit, wherein the two autocrat-led nations will disc…
Trump on 51st State: “Canada needs America’s protection from countries like America”
WASHINGTON D.C. – Asked about his earlier comments regarding Canada becoming the 51st state, President Donald Trump clarified that Canada needs America to offer it protection from hostile a…
Man who has spent entire political career attacking everybody promises he’ll attack Trump and Elon any minute now
OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre, who has famously spent his 21-year political career vociferously attacking any person or political entity which opposed him, has vowed to “any day now”…
Ford to execute first prisoner by using Ontario healthcare system
LONDON, ON – After Premier Doug Ford was recorded joking about bringing back the death penalty, he has since confirmed that not only will he follow through with the idea, but he is already …
Curling ad contains over two seconds of sizzling action
OTTAWA – Television viewers across the country have been wowed by a 30 second curling commercial that contains nearly 2.5 seconds of intense curling action. “I always thought curling was just an …
Canadian hockey fans prepare to call the 4 Nations Face-Off a brilliant idea or some made-up bullshit depending on whether we win
MONTREAL – As Team Canada gets set to play its first game in the inaugural 4 Nations Face-Off, fans across the country are ready to either celebrate a generation-defining victory or dismiss a tot…
Single treat makes pet happier than owner can ever dream of being
COBOURG, ON ― Local housecat, Firecracker Devries, achieved a soaring pinnacle of sheer hedonistic pleasure today that is in equal measure inaccessible and inconceivable to her owner/servant/tole…
New US tariffs force Canada to use excess steel, aluminum in construction of 200 ft Mecha-Gosling
OTTAWA – With US President Trump instituting 25% tariffs on all steel and aluminum imports, Canada has elected to use their excess metals in the most sensible way possible – by constr…
