TORONTO – Toronto Blue Jays center fielder Vernon Wells is in a slump, but it has nothing to do with his bat or his glove. The 31-year-old told reporters that he is profoundly troubled by the fa...
Pizza restaurant lost thousands trying to honour 40 minutes or it’s free guarantee over G20 weekend
TORONTO – A downtown Pizza Pizza franchise on Queen St. E. suffered thousands of dollars in lost sales over the weekend trying to honour its time guarantee of delivering a pizza in less than 40 ...
Visiting Quebecer says Toronto’s G20 street party not as fun as St. Jean Baptiste celebrations
TORONTO – Toronto’s weekend G20 street party celebration failed to impress Quebecer Allain Duregard, 26, who visited Toronto Friday through Sunday. “It was alright, I suppose,” Duregard said. “T...
Machismo exhibited by carrying lots of groceries in one trip
TORONTO – Local resident Jeff Saunders impressed onlookers on Hartford Street when he carried fourteen bags of groceries from his car up to his apartment in one trip, sources reported last week....
Guy on exercise bike increases workload to impress cute girl
ETOBICOKE, ON – While using an exercise bike at his local gym last Tuesday, Ryan Savage, an infrequent gym patron, increased the machine’s speed and resistance after noticing a cute girl walking...
Squash partner invokes dangerous ‘dick-out’ rule
WINNIPEG, MA – A game of squash between two University of Winnepeg professors turned extremely unsafe last Saturday morning after the ‘dick-out’ rule was invoked. Prof. Paul Stewarts, 39, failed...
Man refuses jail solely on basis of last name
EVANSVILLE, IN – What’s in a name? Freedom, according to one man. Jason Freeman, 37, refused to go to prison yesterday after being convicted for aggravated assault, arguing that his last n...
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Botched handshake embarrasses local man
HAMILTON, ON – Local resident Mark Sanford, 24, ruined his chances of making friends with two cool dudes yesterday when an introductory handshake went horribly wrong. Sanford’s friend Bria...
