HAMILTON, ON – Local resident Mark Sanford, 24, ruined his chances of making friends with two cool dudes yesterday when an introductory handshake went horribly wrong. Sanford’s friend Bria...
“69” Laughed at
KINGSTON, ON – Yesterday, a student attending a Sociology lecture laughed out loud when the professor said the number “69.” Professor Deborah Marshal, 56, had been discussing material from the c...
Business man in talks of merger with woman
TORONTO – Private equity firm employee Praj Patel, 31, is in merger talks with airline stewardess Aneesha Sherawat, 27, a woman. If successful, the deal could lead to a 60% increase in cohabitat...
Local company offers nonsense approach to network solutions
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Logan-Mitchner Ltd., a local network solutions firm, has been receiving many complaints from businesses in the GTA since they initiated an unorthodox “nonsense” policy earlier ...
Maschismo exhibited by eating hot sauce
EAST YORK, ON – Local student Jeff Saunders impressed friends at an East-End Mr. Sub by asking for hot sauce on his sandwich, sources reported yesterday. “He was like, ‘No man, throw some hot sa...
Campus police warn of ‘sicko’ targeting women’s laundry
TORONTO – Residents living at York University campus and the surrounding area have been warned by campus police to keep vigilant after reports that a sick, sick individual is lurking in campus l...
Jimmy’s Web Site Company to drop support for IE6 browser
KITCHENER, ON – Web analysts have been in a frenzy following a report that Jimmy’s Web Site Company will be dropping support for Microsoft’s Internet Explorer 6.0 in the coming weeks. The move c...
Mars society treated to rare thrill
CALGARY – Members of the Mars Society of Canada were treated to a rare thrill this morning when our red neighbour came closer to the Earth than it has in 60 000 years. At its closest point to ou...
Messier a LEGO man
A startling discovery is sending shockwaves through the NHL after it was revealed that Mark Messier is a LEGO man. A statement released last Wednesday by the NHL accuses Danish toy giant LEGO of creat...
