TORONTO – Though friends Brian Burke, 28, and Keith Pittman, 30, mutually enjoyed a four-day road trip to Montreal, Burke was accused of prematurely reminiscing about the event. “We were on our ...
Mustachioed pediatrician doesn’t understand why business is slow
KAMLOOPS, BC – Longtime pediatrician Dr. Lester said he had “no idea” why parents had stopped bringing their kids to his children’s health centre, despite having recently grown...
Foreign Minister spending way too much time at home
OTTAWA – Since his appointment as Canada’s Minister of Foreign Affairs last May, the honourable John Baird has been spending an excessive amount of time at home, much to the disappointment of hi...
Corporations to phase out environment in next 10 years
CALGARY – Several large corporations in Canada and the U.S. have announced plans to completely phase-out the environment by 2022 in order to focus on profits. “Performance reviews indicated that...
Catholic Church rebrands Original Sin as ‘Sin Classic’
VATICAN CITY – Looking to renew interest in Catholicism among consumers aged 16-27, the Catholic Church announced yesterday that it would be rebranding its Original Sin to ‘Sin Classic....
Pope no longer returning God’s calls
VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI, Bishop of Rome and Servant of the Servants of God, has not been returning God’s phone calls, according to Pontifical Household sources. “It’s really awkwa...
Lazy charity holds annual Drive for the Cure campaign
CALGARY – A record number of drivers showed up Monday morning for the General Motors Drive for the Cure, an event held yearly in Calgary’s downtown. Sidewalks were closed off from 8:30am to 5:30...
Rob Ford probably doing something stupid right now
TORONTO – Although he is not currently in the public eye or available for comment, city officials, journalists, and citizens of Toronto are all in agreement that mayor Rob Ford is probably doing...
Japan shuts down last nuclear reactor not part of a giant robot
JAPAN – Japanese Environment Minister, Goshi Hosono, announced today the closure of Japan’s last nuclear plant not powering a giant robot. “Because of the Fukushima disaster, all of ...
