Japan shuts down last nuclear reactor not part of a giant robot - The Beaverton

Japan shuts down last nuclear reactor not part of a giant robot

– Japanese Environment Minister, Goshi Hosono, announced today the closure of Japan’s last nuclear plant not powering a giant robot.

“Because of the disaster, all of Japan’s nuclear materials will be requisitioned to power the Tako-bot 4000,” Hosono said. A 3-mile long robotic octopus, the Tako-bot is an “agricultural tool of unprecedented scale.” “Its plutonium ray will have the power to create a hole the size of a city. As you can imagine, this will be very useful for planting trees and crops.”

Hosono denied that the Tako-bot’s construction had anything to do with the recent thawing of the cryogenically frozen Emperor Hirohito, claiming, “Emperor Hirohito no longer desires to expand the Japanese Empire, and certainly does not wish to tentacle-rape Nanking.”