The highly revealing uniform was first met with some resistance, but has now been completely embraced as far superior to the old tank-top and board shorts.…
Sports
Glowing swamp monster emerges as medal favourite in Olympic aquatics
RIO DE JANEIRO – A swamp-being of untold horror that recently emerged from the depths of Rio’s polluted waterways has become an immediate medal favourite in all aquatic events at the Summer…
IOC to punish Russia for doping by forcing its athletes to compete in Rio Olympics
LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND – The International Olympic Committee has announced that, as punishment for the recent state-sponsored doping revelations, all of Russia’s athletes will be forced to partici…
Hundreds of sick kids to be put down after Subban traded to Nashville
MONTREAL — Following the trade of Canadiens all-star defenceman and philanthropist PK Subban, the Montreal Children’s Hospital has announced Wednesday that it would not be able to keep its …
Auston Matthews injured while putting on Leafs jersey
BUFFALO, NY – Auston Matthews, the Toronto Maple Leaf’s number one draft pick for the 2016 draft, has been injured while putting on his first personalized Toronto Maple Leafs jersey. “He’s …
NHL approves future site of abandoned Las Vegas arena
LAS VEGAS – Las Vegas now knows the T-Mobile Arena will be the next derelict building after NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman announced the city will be getting an expansion hockey team for the…
Crosby voted NHL’s most valuable non-rapist
LAS VEGAS – At the National Hockey League’s star-studded event last night, Penguins captain and Stanley Cup champion Sidney Crosby was awarded the Harold Ballard Award, given annually to th…
Euro 2016 ratings take dive after being lightly bumped by opposing ratings
FRANCE – Ratings for the 2016 UEFA European Championships took a sharp and overly dramatic drop earlier today, after receiving the slightest contact from the ratings of opposing programming…
Don Cherry’s personal support worker to host Hockey Night in Canada
TORONTO – Don Cherry’s personal care worker has learned that he will be the host of Hockey Night in Canada replacing George Stroumboulopoulos. The support worker, simply known as “Ron”, has…
Vegas NHL team excited to open for Jeff Dunham 5 nights a week
LAS VEGAS – The NHL has announced their Las Vegas expansion for the 2017-2018 season will provide an opening act for famed ventriloquist Jeff Dunham. “Yes, this team will be exclusively war…
