TORONTO – Seeking to restore a bit of familiarity to hockey fans living in such uncertain times The Toronto Maple Leafs are upholding their long-standing tradition of just shitting the bed …
Sports
Football fan itching to see long-term brain damage in person again
CLEVELAND, OH – As many worry about the start of the NFL season amid Covid-19, Cleveland Browns’ fan Scoot Donnel has been eagerly anticipating returning to the stands to watch his team exp…
To maintain home ice advantage NHL pipes in audio of fans yelling insults about opposing players’ mothers
TORONTO – In an effort to make the play in tournament and playoffs feel as realistic as possible despite the lack of fans in the stands the NHL has begun playing audio clips of fans drunken…
Rookie MLB player achieves dream of playing in front of 45,000 empty seats
NEW YORK – Yankees rookie Chris Buford realised a lifelong dream yesterday after stepping onto the field in front of more than 45,000 empty plastic seats in his MLB debut. “It’s incredible,…
Americans fleeing COVID try to sneak into Canada by disguising themselves as NHL players
DETROIT/WINDSOR BORDER – As NHL teams have made the journey to the league’s two bubble cities of Edmonton and Toronto, many Americans attempting to escape the pandemic have taken to disguis…
Blue Jays offer to change name to something racist in order to find new home in U.S.
Anywhere but TORONTO – After the Toronto Blue Jays have been barred from playing in their home city and rejected by Pittsburgh, the desperate team has stated they are willing to change thei…
Canada bans Blue Jays due to COVID, sucking
TORONTO – The federal government has announced that the Toronto Blue Jays will not be able to play home games in Toronto this year due to the COVID pandemic, and the fact that the team was …
Enlightened Edmonton CFL team discovers that money is more important than being racist
EDMONTON – The Edmonton Eskimos will change its name after the team’s corporate leadership discovered that having money is more important than being racist. In the wake of sponsors threaten…
Washington Redskins to change name to Cleveland Indians
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following intense pressure from multiple groups and the public at large, the Washington Redskins have proudly announced that they will be officially changing their team name to …
Saskatchewan man keeps reminding people that CFL season was postponed too
REGINA – Amidst conversations about the NHL, NBA and MLB seasons possibly resuming soon, local man Gord Marsh is reminding people that the CFL season was also postponed as a result of COVID…
