Mississauga, ON – Local supply chain middle-manager Arnold Buckler has come under fire for recently stating his belief that athletes have the easiest job ever. This statement was made despite the fact that if Buckler’s boss ever even suggested relocating his position to Winnipeg where he would be required to work in a new setting with a new team on just a single day’s notice it would induce a horrific panic attack.
“I mean all they do is play a game for a living,” Buckler stated despite his career of middle-management office supervision being far less physically and mentally taxing. The 34-year old’s rant failed to recognize that at his age the vast majority of professional athletes have already been forced into retirement, a large percentage of which will carry lingering physical damage that will result in a pained, shortened life.
It quickly became apparent that Buckler was using “athletes” to encompass only mega-stars such as LeBron James or Connor McDavid who are the rare exceptions that make tens of millions of dollars whereas most athletes struggle to make ends meet while being expected to maintain peak physical condition at all times. Despite many superstar athletes themselves saying they would never wish for their children to pursue pro-sports due to the dangers and risks involved, Buckler insisted it was an easy job anyone could do.
Those who were witness to the scene claim that it wasn’t just professional athletes who Buckler put under fire, suggesting that actors, models, and even doctors were all attacked for their career choices. The explanations varied from “they just play pretend for a living” to “they just perform open-heart surgery for a living.” Many believe that this rant may have been fueled by a combination of Buckler’s own dissatisfaction with his career and an eighth pint of Coors Light.
While the worry of being relocated to a city like Winnipeg, Jacksonville, or anywhere in the Midwest isn’t a looming concern of Buckler’s career, he has suggested that “lazy jackasses” are a far greater concern. After wrapping up his tirade before the end of his two-hour lunch break, Buckler left the restaurant without leaving a tip. When reached for comment he claimed that “all servers do is carry food, it’s the easiest job ever” before returning to his mid-workday nap.