KINGSTON — With Arthur McDonald’s shocking Nobel prize win, the Prime Minister of Canada was curious as to how he was able to speak with the media at all. “We have so many programs in place…
Science and Technology
Nestlé purchases full ownership rights to Mars water
WASHINGTON, DC – The Nestlé corporation announced today that it had already purchased full ownership rights to the water flowing underneath the surface of Mars, prior to NASA’s announcement…
Facebook to add ‘talk about this in person’ button
MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA – On the heels of its long awaited “dislike” button, Facebook has announced plans to launch a “talk about this in person” button that will allow users to take their online …
Game maker Konami avoids bankruptcy after entering ↑↑↓↓←→←→BA
TOKYO, JAPAN – Following reports that the prominent video game publisher would cease all development on console games, the Konami game company reportedly extended their financial life by en…
Google restructuring allows company to concentrate on exploiting your private data
SAN JOSE – The move to make technology giant Google part of a larger holding company, Alphabet Inc., will allow the company to better focus on running its products as well as on abusing the perso…
Study on which brownies had weed in them inconclusive
MONCTON, NB – A report conducted earlier today on which of the brownies had weed in them has come back inconclusive after head researcher Dr. Ken Irons lost track of who ate which brownie. …
Self-driving car lead suspect in Hitchbot murder case
PHILADELPHIA, PA- Following the murder of Canadian-made robot Hitchbot, Philadelphia police have released the identity of their main suspect; Google automated car GC-8402. “We think there must ha…
Scientists at University of the Lord discover that Jesus is Lord
BARN GLORY, ON – A surprising new study from University of the Lord has revealed that Jesus Christ, and not anybody else, is Lord. “We started from the premise that somebody had to be Lord,…
Cool new website aggregates content directly from people’s homes
NEW YORK – Only six months old and already challenging New Media titans like BuzzFeed and the Huffington Post, the viral media website Stufftaker is overtaking social networks with original…
New study finds that you fucked with the wrong scientists
OTTAWA – A recent discovery has shown that you fucked with the wrong practitioners of hypothetico-deductive methodology. “As in all science, we started by formulating a question: how badly …
