OTTAWA – In comments made to reporters NDP leader Jagmeet Singh expressed considerable upset over being left out of Justin’s 3-night Liberal cabinet sleepover in Vancouver, which Justin invited all his best cabinet friends to except for him.
“I really thought after the whole coalition thing that we were better friends than that,” said Jagmeet. “I get that I’m not officially a Liberal cabinet member, but I’ve voted in support of so many Liberal motions I may as well be there. Not inviting me just feels petty, it’s really hard not to take it personally. I was really looking forward to playing Marco Polo in Justin’s pool despite the game’s problematic namesake, and I even bought enough Red Bull to share with everyone for our all-night Paul Gross movie marathon.”
The subject of tons of hot goss in Ottawa, Justin’s cabinet sleepover is rumoured to include a packed schedule of playing Super Smash Bros, talking mad shit about Pierre Polievre, crank-calling the Green Party, carbon capturing farts, and maybe solving one of the worst cost of living crises in Canadian history if everyone can stay up that late.
“Oh man it’s going to be so lit,” said Minister of Labour Seamus O’Regan Jr. “Last year Justin let us all drink pop using his secret stash of plastic straws and then we all took turns trying to burp out a land recognition before we did breakout sessions on indigenous reconciliation. I’m bummed Jagmeet wasn’t invited but I didn’t want to make a big thing of it to Justin and risk not getting invited either.”
According to some cabinet members who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity, the real reason Jagmeet wasn’t invited wasn’t because of not being a cabinet member, but because he was, in the words of one cabinet member, “kind of a buzzkill.”
“We invited him over to Justin’s house a few months ago not for a full-on sleepover but just for a hang sesh with Justin and Chrystia and some of the boys. The whole time he’s in our ear about Universal Dental Care this, helping the working poor that. It’s like bro give it a rest there aren’t any reporters here we literally don’t care just relax. He was a serious vibe killer.”
For his part, Jagmeet has denied the claims, saying that he is “a super chill guy” and would’ve been a great addition to Justin’s cabinet sleepover.
“They’re all going to be there making Tik Toks and posting to social media. I love Tik Tok. I’m great at it. I’m the progressive political memes Tik Tok guy. How are they going to make Tik Tok’s and not invite me?” said Jagmeet.
“I guess what all this goes to show is that I’m a way better friend to Justin than he is to me.”
