COBOURG, ON- Bandwagon Raptors fan Caleb Fletcher insists he has been cheering for his favourite player Kevin Lowry this whole time. “I love his passion for the game,” said Fletcher w…
News in Brief
Report: Door not as heavy as expected
CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI – Despite being large and made of heavy-looking glass, a report released Monday has concluded that the door to Belle’s Yoga Studio on Belvedere Ave. is way lighter than y…
Military budget cuts force soldier to play Last Post on recorder
EDMONTON – Budget cuts to the Royal Canadian Artillery Band has forced one of its musicians to perform the Last Post using a recorder commandeered from a grade 3 class. All instruments from…
Update: Poppy already lost
CANADA – Recent reports indicate that you have already lost your poppy that was attached to your jacket, sweater, or hat a few moments after pinning it there. The symbol of remembrance slid…
Truck nuts lovingly placed into winter storage
FORT MCMURRAY, AB – Protecting his prized possession from the harsh elements, local man Terrence McGillivery, has lovingly placed his chrome truck nuts, which he displays on the hitch of hi…
Sweater mostly cat hair at this point
MONTAGUE, PEI – Sporting her favourite sweater for a weekend gathering, friends of local woman Theresa McCallum, 34, revealed today that the black turtleneck she was wearing was undeniably …
Homeschooled child not looking forward to going back-to-home
LETHBRIDGE, AB – Dreading the end of summer vacation, a local homeschooled child reported that she’s not looking forward to going back to her own house and starting grade 5. Rachel Moore, 1…
Trudeau’s tweet blamed for welcoming forests fires
OTTAWA – Conservative MPs were on the offensive today blaming a tweet made by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau that welcomed illegal forests fire crossing into Canada. While the opposition cou…
Canada considers tariffs on US canned water
OTTAWA – As a retaliation in an escalating trade war between the US and the rest of the world, Canada is considering placing a 25% tariff on all American canned and glass bottled water incl…
Dropped stainless steel water bottle ruptures eardrums within 40 km radius
MONTREAL — Disaster struck Monday when the sound of a stainless steel water bottle dropped on to a concrete floor ruptured the eardrums of everyone within the downtown core. The deafening e…