OTTAWA – Calling on his training as a former french and math teacher, Prime Minister Trudeau has started cracking down on cellphone use across the country. “Look, I don’t want to be the bad…
National
Civil servants deployed to Iraq to train others in passive-aggressive conflict resolution
OTTAWA — The federal government has announced it will be deploying some 500 civil servant trainers to Iraq to teach their Iraqi counterparts in skills in unassertive forms of procrastinatio…
Media enters 7th day of in-depth Marie Henein wardrobe coverage
TORONTO – Canadian media outlets have entered day 7 of their expert trial reporting that gets the facts on exactly what Marie Henein is wearing and how good she looks while wearing it. “She…
Aviation museum recalls Canada’s fighter jets from ISIS conflict
OTTAWA – The national museum dedicated to the historic study of Canadian flight has recalled six CF-18s that were being used in the fight against the Islamic State. “We were happy to loan t…
Don Cherry hospitalized after Cold-FX overdose
TORONTO – Sports personality and Canadian fashion icon Don Cherry has been hospitalized after overdosing on Cold-FX, a supplement said to prevent cold and flu infections that he has been th…
CBC installs Schitt’s Creek advertisement behind nation’s eyelids
TORONTO – With the second season of Schitt’s Creek in full swing, the CBC has ramped up its promotion of the show to even greater levels, by holding open the eyelids of every Canadian and a…
Slow Canadian takeover of U.S. going according to plan
OTTAWA – In a dark, shadowy bunker deep beneath Parliament Hill, an assembled group of Canada’s top politicians, businesspeople, and spymasters known as the True North Society have expressed cryp…
Ghomeshi’s confidence evaporates as he sees trial judge is Billy Bob Thornton
TORONTO – Tensions ran high during the first day of the Jian Ghomeshi trial, after a last minute change of judge saw the Honourable Justice Billy Bob Thornton presiding. “Would you look who…
Liberals add clause to Bill C-51 asking terrorists not to attack us
OTTAWA – After promising to “undo” many of the controversial elements in the Conservative anti-terror legislation, the Liberal government has announced that it will actually add a new claus…
