TORONTO – With the second season of Schitt’s Creek in full swing, the CBC has ramped up its promotion of the show to even greater levels, by holding open the eyelids of every Canadian and attaching an ad for the show onto their pink and tender inner surface.
“It’s very important Canada knows Schitt’s Creek is a show they’re supposed to be watching,” said CBC CEO Hubert Lacroix, putting down his staple gun and dabbing blood from the eyes of seven-year-old Red Deer resident Angie Kao. “For heaven’s sake, it’s a show starring two of Canada’s national treasures: one for each eyeball.”
Although some have questioned the need to traumatically insert ads into the nation’s eyelids when every flat surface in the country is already plastered with ads for the show, executives say they didn’t have any other way to spend their ad budget, since no other former members of SCTV had a show in production.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled Chris Elliott is finding work,” said Noor Ahmed, 35, of Halifax. “But on the other hand, aaaaaaahhh, aaaaaaahh, my eyes, my eyes, oh God, what have they done to my eyes, aaaahhhh.”
While most wish they could have not had the very dry, sharp advertisements stitched, soldered or riveted into their eyes, many appreciate that they were at least given the choice of whether it would be the ad where Eugene Levy is looking baffled by a wrench, or the one where Dan Levy is sitting down in a chair.
“My favourite is the one where that lady is sitting on a car, not really doing anything funny,” said Nanaimo’s Melanie Arbour, adjusting the pus valve on her eyeplate. “It’s the one they covered all of Saskatchewan with, back when it was only strongly recommended that you look at advertisements for Schitt’s Creek.”
Despite all the hype, CBC has pushed back the air dates of Schitt’s Creek’s final episodes to allow time for scabs to form over the actors’ eyelids.
