OTTAWA — Following Thursday’s Washington announcement of steel and aluminum tariffs against many of its closest allies, including Canada, Ottawa has asked which Trump kid they need to pay o…
National
Nation’s mothers just checking in to make sure you’ve brought a light jacket with you today
OTTAWA – As the weather fluctuates from warm to cold, the nation’s mothers are checking in with their adult children to make sure they’ve remembered to bring something along with them, “in …
Justin Trudeau joins long list of passionate environmentalists who own, operate oil pipelines
OTTAWA – With today’s announcement that his government would be purchasing the Trans Mountain pipeline from Kinder Morgan, Prime Minister Trudeau has become just the latest committed climat…
Canadian travelling abroad names every Canadian celebrity in order to validate Canadian identity
BERLIN – While travelling through Europe this past week, Adam De Sousa spouted off every single Canadian celebrity in an erie unbroken 38 minute monologue in order to assert that he was ind…
Nation appalled by the U.S. losing 1500 migrants not as concerned that Canada has lost 4,000 Indigenous women
OTTAWA – Since the story of the U.S. immigration enforcement agency known as ICE losing 1500 migrant children went viral over the weekend, thousands of people from the country that ignored …
BC Premier’s bathroom mirror smeared with “Revenge” written in bitumen
YELLOWKNIFE – After attempting to get some sleep before a Western Premiers’ Meeting, BC Premier John Horgan awoke to discover that someone had smeared the words “Revenge” in thick Alberta b…
Local patio can’t wait for start of drunk asshole season
TORONTO – As the days get longer and the weather gets warmer, the patio at local restaurant Bennie’s is ramping up to Drunk Asshole season when it’ll finally be covered by boozy morons bein…
Emergency Alert System texts ‘U Up?’ at 4am
OTTAWA – Following the nationwide Emergency Alert testing glitch this week that left thousands of Canadians staring expectantly at their phones for a message that never came, the system sou…
Andrew Scheer to serve as stark reminder for young people that smoking pot does not make you cool
OTTAWA – Admitting on Monday that he used to smoke pot when he was in university, federal Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer is now holding himself up as a disturbing example to young …
Tax season ends, hunting CRA agents now considered poaching
OTTAWA – As another tax season draws to a close, the Government of Canada is reminding citizens that hunting agents who work for the Canada Revenue Agency will be considered poaching starti…
