OTTAWA – US tariffs on Canadian aluminum and steel have been promptly lifted after Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has impressed US President Donald Trump with numerous human rights violation…
National
Patriotism: This Canadian chugs a carton of milk to show support for the dairy board even though he’s lactose intolerant
Donald Trump’s attack on Canada’s Dairy Board has inspired one proud Canuck to show his country will not be intimidated by drinking 2 L of pure Canadian milk despite the fact he’s lactose intoler…
PM reminds those still fighting the War of 1812 to lay down their muskets, adhere to the Treaty of Ghent
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has reminded Canadians still warring with Americans in a conflict that ended over 200 years ago to lay down their arms to appease US President Donald …
Bell Media prepares for Doug Ford era by renewing The Beaverton for a third season
TORONTO – In what will surely be remembered as the most consequential news of the day, Bell Media has elected to renew The Beaverton for a third season. “Statistically speaking, Doug Ford i…
Rest of Canada would appreciate it if Ontario would hurry the fuck up and vote already
EVERYWHERE THAT ISN’T ONTARIO – The rest of Canada is urging Ontario to please take whatever steps are necessary to conclude their tumultuous and extremely prolonged provincial election. “Our res…
VIA Rail installs longer station platform for star-crossed lovers to chase train
MONTREAL – VIA Rail will be extending all of its station platforms in order to accommodate any lovers who want a few more fleeting moments saying goodbye to their soulmates by chasing the t…
Lifelong New Democrat excited to vote NDP for first time
Peterborough, ON – Having been a die-hard NDP supporter since he was in undergrad, local man Jason Newman, 33, is looking forward to not strategically voting for the Liberals in order to be…
Canada responds to US tariffs by asking which Trump child they need to bribe
OTTAWA — Following Thursday’s Washington announcement of steel and aluminum tariffs against many of its closest allies, including Canada, Ottawa has asked which Trump kid they need to pay o…
Nation’s mothers just checking in to make sure you’ve brought a light jacket with you today
OTTAWA – As the weather fluctuates from warm to cold, the nation’s mothers are checking in with their adult children to make sure they’ve remembered to bring something along with them, “in …
Justin Trudeau joins long list of passionate environmentalists who own, operate oil pipelines
OTTAWA – With today’s announcement that his government would be purchasing the Trans Mountain pipeline from Kinder Morgan, Prime Minister Trudeau has become just the latest committed climat…
