OTTAWA – After an incident in which he called Ontario’s new attitude to asylum-seekers “not Canadian” federal Immigration Minister Ahmed Hussen has issued a formal apology, admitting that treatin…
National
Study: Anglo Canadian culture revealed just to be a series of brand loyalties
Hamilton, ON- A decade long study at McMaster University has found what many anthropologists have long suspected: that the sole feature of Anglo Canadian culture is identifying with certain brand…
Nation’s retail sales associates just want you to know “That’s a GREAT colour on you, hun!”
OTTAWA, ON – As summer quickly descends upon us, prompting the need for crop tops and breathable fabrics, the nation’s retail sales associates have banded together to make sure you know tha…
Heroic activists convince sexually-harassed woman to come forward by regular-harassing her
OTTAWA – New ground was broken for women in Canada this week, after a team of heroic journalists and politicians convinced a woman groped by the Prime Minister to publicly identify herself follow…
Report: Fake CRA scamming Canadians much better at collecting taxes than real CRA
OTTAWA – A recent Auditor General report indicates that India-based scam artists posing as the Canada Revenue Agency are much better at collecting tax revenue than the real CRA. “Their tech…
Canadian Mint running dangerously low on shit to print on quarters
OTTAWA – The Royal Canadian Mint declared a state of crisis this week, announcing that they have nearly run out of ideas for pictures to print on the quarter. “The mint has a proud history …
Aging Canada tells everyone it’s turning 150 again
OTTAWA – Leading up to its July 1st birthday, Canada has been telling people that it is turning 150 for a second year in a row out of fear that it will be thought of as “that gross old coun…
Stoned Canadians pretty sure government legalized pot last year
GUELPH, ON – Upon being advised that the Senate had finally voted to legalize marijuana a large and lethargic group of Canadians reported confusion, as they were fairly confident that happe…
Exclusive: A Canadian shoe smuggling mule who’s able to fit 9 pairs in his rectum when he crosses US border
FORT ERIE, ON – A Canadian shoe smuggler has gone to great lengths to remain undetected by border security revealing a dangerous game between cat and mouse. When US President Donald Trump w…
Trudeau stays silent on U.S. separating families to preserve excellent relationship between Canada and Trump
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Trudeau is refusing to end the Safe Third Country Agreement, or criticize the Trump admin’s policy of separating migrant children from their parents, noting that to …
