OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today that Canada will soon receive its first batch of COVID vaccinations, which will be distributed to Canadians using Health Canada’s new …
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Snowbirds looking to be evacuated from more exotic location this time
TORONTO – Months after being rescued from a stranded cruise by the Canadian government, snowbirds Adriel and Harold Glatterbee are looking to be plucked from the deadly grip of the coronavi…
Liberal fiscal update confirms “Shit’s Fucked”
OTTAWA – Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland unveiled the Liberal fiscal update this afternoon and, as expected, things are fucked. Big time fucked. “9 months into this pandemic cases …
Canada threatens to leave Commonwealth after being ignored in Netflix’s “The Crown”
OTTAWA – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is threatening to leave the British Commonwealth after receiving a royal snub from Netflix’s historical drama “The Crown.” “Oh, sure, do a wh…
Andrew Scheer officially passes John A. Macdonald as best grifter in Parliament history
OTTAWA – With news that he used taxpayer money to employ multiple family members former Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer has finally passed Canada’s first PM, John A. Macdonald…
Government reassures Canadians who ran out of EI they are still eligible for “Call Your Parents” benefit
OTTAWA – The Trudeau Government has reassured Canadians that every person who is no longer able to apply for government assistance can apply for the “Call Your Parents” benefit. “It’s great…
Health Canada convenes emergency press conference to declare you’re doing quarantine wrong
OTTAWA – At a special press conference Health Canada officials, doctors and scientists came together to declare their finding that you specifically are doing quarantine wrong. “As the…
Scheer furious he didn’t think of staging a coup after 2019 election
OTTAWA – Back Bench Conservative MP Andrew Scheer is reportedly furious that he never thought of “doing a coup” after the 2019 election the way Donald Trump is currently trying …
Canadians remember the sacrifices Don Cherry made to hijack Remembrance Day for his personal brand
KINGSTON, ON – Canadians took a moment of silence today to recognize the important sacrifices former Hockey Night in Canada commentator Don Cherry made to turn a sacred event into a spectac…
Trudeau excited to discover what old-timey nickname Biden will give him
OTTAWA – After calling President-elect Biden to congratulate him on winning the election, Prime Minister Trudeau is said to be looking forward to Biden bestowing upon him a fun nickname tha…
