WINNIPEG – This week, local bargain-hunter Darryl Smith failed to come up with a convincing excuse to buy several volumes of erotic literature at a garage sale. Expecting to find an old cop…
Local
Housemate sure picked hell of a time to get back into Ska
SUDBURY — Amidst a global pandemic and strict social distancing rules that require Canadians to stay at home unless absolutely necessary, local housemate Mark Thomson has sure picked a hell of a …
Man discerns passage of time with ripeness of bananas
LIVING ROOM – As Canada enters its third month of mandatory self isolation, local man, Max Easton, has abandoned all traditional concepts of time and has decided to discern his days using t…
“Humans are the real problem,” posts man who is the real problem
WINDSOR – Bartender Steve Atkins posted a picture of swans swimming in the Venice canals on Facebook yesterday with the caption, “The animals of the world are returning. Humans are the real…
Woman moves beyond bread-making stage of lockdown, breaks ground on mill in apartment
MOOSE JAW, SK – After a few weeks of staying home, Heather Chung has surpassed the bread making stage of self-isolation and has begun building a full-fledged flour mill in her one bedroom a…
Local jerkwad only on day 3 of quarantine
GUELPH, ON – Early this morning local fool Hansen Lund posted an obnoxiously long Instagram story detailing his third day of quarantine, much to the horror and displeasure of his followers.…
Local psychopath still planning on celebrating April Fools’ Day
Kelowna, BC – Local man and absolute lunatic George Black says that, despite literally everything happening right now, he still intends to go all out for April Fool’s Day. “I know people ar…
Local woman scrambling to find single presentable corner in decrepit apartment for work Skype meeting
Gimli, MB – As workplaces across the globe are switching to a work from home model amid the Covid-19 pandemic, 26 year old administrative coordinator, Madeline Wilson was spotted scrambling…
Shower wondering if it’s ever going to see you again
YOUR BATHROOM – In the midst of a nationwide quarantine prompting citizens all over Canada to self-isolate, your shower just wanted to let you know that it was curious if it was ever going to see…
Notorious hot air balloon thief’s getaway foiled by gentle breeze
LETHBRIDGE, AB – The infamous ‘Basket Bandit,’ scourge of the dirigible community, was finally caught today when his attempt to abscond with a large rainbow balloon was thwarted by a gentle…
