WINNIPEG – This week, local bargain-hunter Darryl Smith failed to come up with a convincing excuse to buy several volumes of erotic literature at a garage sale.
Expecting to find an old copy of ‘Catcher in the Rye,’ or at best a stash of ‘For Dummies’ manuals, Smith was shocked to discover a healthy collection of titillating tomes titled “Sexy Jazz Stories,” “Almanac of Stiff Drinks,” and a coffee table book titled “Kama Sutra for Web Critics.”
“It was the mother lode, double entendre intended,” said Smith. “As an artisanal horndog, I’m always on the lookout for non-internet porn. But I didn’t want to come off as a creep, just buying up a dozen sexy books.”
Smith wracked his brain to think up a good reason to purchase the sexual content, but had serious trouble. “I figured I could claim to be a sex professor, but I was wearing a Young Sheldon T-shirt, so I knew they’d realize I hadn’t gone to university. And I couldn’t say it was for my girlfriend, because I already asked if they had any Jordan Peterson books.”
At an impasse, Smith considered camouflaging the erotica purchase with other miscellaneous items, but discovered he only had spare change on hand. “You can only buy so many old Ninja Turtle toys and friendship bracelets with three bucks,” said Smith. “And then we’ve lost sight of the erotica.”
Smith retreated from the yard sale with only a battered copy of ‘No Logo’ by Naomi Klein, hoping that a decades-old examination of corporate branding might do something downstairs.
“I like smart women, so who knows…” said Smith.