WINNIPEG — Following the holiday season, and after much soul-searching, this week alcohol officially declared that it is abstaining from you for the month of January. “I was starting to fee…
Health
Cool aunt forces everyone to smoke pot this Christmas
BARRIE, ON — Since the legalization of marijuana, Canadians who originally demonized the drug are trying marijuana for the first time. Thus causing first time user, Cathy Lowe, to share her…
After catching teen vaping, parent forces them to finish whole cartridge
BURLINGTON, ON — After 15-year-old Danius Jenkins was caught vaping, his parents Danielle Jenkins and Richard Mardow, made him finish the whole cartridge in the hopes that it would ruin vap…
Man refuses to accept anesthesia in case ‘lady surgeon’ needs advice
TORONTO, ON – Insisting that that he would like to be available to offer his opinion, should his ‘lady surgeon’ require any helpful tips or advice on how to perform the procedure, local man…
Woman who refused toothpick, really “going for it” with fingernail
VICTORIA, BC — In a tense moment at the dinner table Jessica Trevors declined a toothpick and has taken to fully using her fingernail to get “whatever it is” out of her teeth. “I thought ma…
Doctors warn this year’s flu vaccine may contain high levels of immunity
GENEVA – After getting preliminary test results, the World Health Organization is warning the public that getting this year’s flu vaccine may put you at risk of not contracting the often de…
Woman discovers entire personality is complaining about being tired
HAMILTON, ON — After finally benefitting from a restful night’s sleep due to a Daylight Savings mishap, Vera Woods, has officially realized that her personality only consists of complaining…
Workplace first aid kit has every medical tool except fucking band aids
MISSISSAUGA, ON – This week at the law firm of Wessleman and Wessleman, a suitcase-sized first aid kit was discovered to contain every medical supply imaginable except for the common band-a…
Heroic purse adorned with hand sanitizer keychain becomes humanity’s final hope against contagious epidemic
EDMONTON – In an alarming new report from the Public Health Agency of Canada, one handbag embellished with several hand sanitizer keychains has become the nation’s only hope against an impe…
Ontario Medical Association apologizes for calling recreational cannabis a gateway drug by offering free opioid prescriptions
TORONTO – OMA President Dr Nadia Alam has issued an apology to all recreational cannabis users for calling the soon-to-be-legal substance a gateway drug and is offering free prescriptions t…
