OTTAWA – Officials at Health Canada have come up with a new strategy to drum up attention for the new bivalent COVID vaccine – by taking off its glasses and some chic bangs. “I know t…
Health
French language activists say government can give Tylenol with American packaging to children if they can read their temperature in French
QUEBEC CITY – With Canada experiencing an extreme shortage of children’s Tylenol owing to a lack of mandatory bilingual packaging, French language activists announced they would be willing …
Woman sets vibrator to “Elon Musk Getting Destroyed On Twitter” setting
Bedroom, Ontario – While blowing off some steam after a long day at work, Michelle Trudy opened the small pouch next to her bed and turned her vibrator to her favourite setting, “Elon Musk …
Americans planning to “Move to Canada” following midterms asked to please bring some children’s medicine with them
NIAGARA FALLS – While the Democrats have fared better than expected in last night’s midterm elections, Health Canada has issued a request this morning that any political refugees stil…
Study: 1 in every 25 people in PEI have Covid-19, and they are: Jim, Paula, Big Jim, and Tina’s boy Ricky
SUMMERSIDE – A Covid-19 wave has washed over Prince Edward Island, leaving one in twenty-five Islanders–or four individual people–currently Covid-positive. “For a long time, we were doing pretty …
Hans Zimmer score added to video feed of colonoscopy
HAMILTON — Long known for their novel approach to the practice of medicine, the Hamilton Endoscopy Centre has made it a standard practice to add Hans Zimmer film score music to the video feed of …
Canada to honour the Queen by shutting off all hospital ventilators for 96 seconds
OTTAWA – In addition to a federal holiday, transit pauses, and school and court closures, Canada plans to carry out an extra tribute to its beloved former head of state during her funeral b…
Ford government gives hospitals the power to send elderly patients to EZ Self Storage
QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Ford’s Ontario PC’s have passed controversial new legislation that could force hospital patients awaiting long-term care to be stored in long-term s…
Ontario announces new “Self Serve” Emergency Rooms
QUEEN’S PARK – With Ontario’s hospitals reporting emergency room closures and critical nursing shortages, Premier Doug Ford has announced a new relief plan allowing patients to diagnose the…
REPORT: Loneliness epidemic singled out, ostracized by other epidemics
RICHMOND, BC – As persistent loneliness continues to affect the health of billions, it remains unable to gain acceptance and inclusion from its epidemic peers. “I’ve been harming people’s well-be…