CORNWALL, ON – The extreme fitness gym Shred Heads is facing struggles of its own after several of the motivational quotes stencilled on its walls turned out to be Nazi slogans. “I think it…
Culture
Millennial with six jobs killing it, dying
TORONTO – Local woman Jess Nguyen, 26, is currently making a considerable amount of money working six part-time jobs, while also slowly dying of fatigue and several untreated illnesses. “It…
Get excited Millennials: Russian State Television is bringing back “Happy Time with Oksana and Michail”
All you 90’s kids better get hella excited, because you’re about to get hit with a major nostalgia bomb. This week, the All-Russia State Television Company announced that they’re bringing back th…
New Netflix program just a live feed of your friends having fun without you
LOS GATOS, CA – Netflix has recently announced its newest slate of programming, including the hotly anticipated binge-worthy show A Live Feed of Your Friends Having Fun Without You, which w…
New Spider-Man film mostly scenes of Uncle Ben dying
HOLLYWOOD – At the world premiere of Marvel’s Spider-Man: Homecoming, fans of the franchise were treated to a new Spider-Man story, in which Uncle Ben dies a number of times in many differe…
Peter Mansbridge lands lead anchor on Naked News
TORONTO – After retiring from the CBC’s flagship broadcast news program, The National, journalist and Canadian icon Peter Mansbridge has taken a new job as lead nude anchor on the Toronto-b…
Low-grade depression is summer’s hottest accessory
NEW YORK- Style forecasters and trendsetters alike are thrilled to announce low grade depression is the trend of the summer. Hot off cubicles of that 9-to-5 desk job that you took just for the wi…
Commitment-phobic boyfriend manages to binge watch all 12 seasons of ‘Bones’
EDMONTON – Chad Sandford stunned his on-again, off-again girlfriend of 5 years, Karen McClinton, when he managed to binge watch all 12 seasons of the TV show Bones. McClinton was initially suspic…
Caveman artist enters mammoth period
Chauvet Cave, FRANCE – The Cave art scene was abuzz this week with news that local cave art star Drog has officially dropped horses and entered his Mammoth period. “Drog draw mammoth …
Old racist thinks racist kids have it too easy these days
Chatham, ON – Local pharmacist and long-time white supremacist Alex Robichaud has had it with the Southern Ontario alt-right community, declaring that young racists today have it “way too easy”. …
