TORONTO – Forced to juggle career, family and an active social life, local woman Carole Vonn was unable to find any time in her busy schedule to eat yogurt this week. “I knew that bei…
Culture
Hedley celebrates 14th anniversary of benefiting from CRTC laws
ABBOTSFORD, BC – Pop-punk band Hedley celebrated their 14th anniversary of profiting from the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission Canadian content rules. As per the …
Sean Hannity reports Clintons killed Sean Hannity, while slowly raising pistol to own head
NEW YORK – After months suggesting the DNC was responsible for the murder of Seth Rich, Fox News reporter Sean Hannity is now reporting the Clintons have assassinated Fox News reporter Sean…
Dating app algorithm operates on assumption that we have any fucking clue what we want
WATERLOO – A new dating app released yesterday plans to operate on the assumption that users have any tangible idea what they want, both from the app and from their romantic endeavours as …
To be clear, Marineland very much not offering customers opportunity to chainsaw live Orca
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – Several months after animal cruelty charges were laid against them by the OSPCA, the extremely litigious water park Marineland is not, we repeat, not, allowing guests th…
Women-only screenings of Wonder Woman countered by men-only screenings of sad porn
AUSTIN, TX — In response to several women-only screenings of the film Wonder Woman, numerous DC Comics fans are striking back with male-only screenings of online pornography. “For too long …
Which wines go with which Pringles?
By H.G. Peters, Oenophile and Pringophile Wine and Pringles are two of life’s great culinary pleasures, and finding the perfect match can be a delicious endeavour. There are many factors to consi…
The Beaverton Remembers: The Release of Bon Cop/Bad Cop
No one could handle the raw sexuality of Colm Feore and Patrick Huard.…
Inspiring! Rick Mercer finally moves out of that alley
TORONTO – In a heartwarming story that has touched Canadians coast to coast, TV personality Rick Mercer announced that he has finally moved out of the iconic alley he once called home. “It …
Controversy erupts after retailer unveils line of sexy Handmaid’s Tale Halloween costumes
SHENZHEN, CHINA – An online retailer finds itself in hot water after unveiling its line of ‘sexy’ Handmaid’s Tale Halloween costumes. The outfit, consisting of a skimpy re…
