TORONTO – A new study from a media research group has revealed that Peter Mansbridge’s retirement last year has caused a steep and, to date, permanent drop in the amount of sex being …
Culture
Doritos introduces the Ladychip, a crunchless pink tube inserted into the vagina for demure female snackers
PLANO, TX – Doritos, the zesty tortilla chip brand, has announced the launch of a new line of chips aimed at female consumers, a vaginally-inserted crunchless pink tube called the Ladychip.…
Gay friend can’t even look at you until you’re caught up on Drag Race
MONTREAL – According to numerous reports, your closest gay friend, Erik Mitchell, is refusing to engage with you in any way until you have watched the latest episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. …
Facebook’s ‘On This Day’ painful reminder that you used the word “wangster” in undergrad
LONDON, ON – Sources report that your Facebook “memories” have revealed that you used the word “wangster” in undergrad while commenting on a picture of your friend Todd who was holding a jo…
I gave up dating human men for exclusive relationship with audiobook of ‘Call Me By Your Name’
By: Nancy Webb If you told me a year ago that I would be in a committed relationship with the audiobook of André Acimon’s sensual novel turned critically-acclaimed film Call Me By Your Name, I wo…
Sad man with no ideas sits in café
VICTORIA — Following three hours of browsing the internet at Second Cup, aspiring writer Jeffrey Burgess sadly continues to have no ideas. “Getting out of the house helps open up my mind”, said B…
Violent escalation not going how ‘Deadwood’ fan expected
BRAMPTON, ON – Seeking to emulate the rough-and-tumble action featured on the critically acclaimed HBO series Deadwood, local man Louis Fresno is now in incredible pain after escalating a m…
Netflix to revive family-favourite Grandma
LOS ANGELES (AP) – Following the successful revivals of Fuller House, Gilmore Girls, and Arrested Development, Netflix announced Tuesday that it will be resurrecting your dead grandmother. “Nosta…
16 years after Gangs of New York, Daniel Day-Lewis still refusing to drop character as Bill the Butcher
NEW YORK – Proving his dedication to the craft of acting, Daniel Day-Lewis is still roaming the streets of New York city with a cleaver, even though principal photography on Gangs of New Yo…
St. Francis Xavier’s pinky finger curls ominously after parishioner makes first wish
Antigonish, NS – Reports indicate that the relic of St. Francis Xavier has curled back one of its digits after a man reportedly made a wish for $200,000 to pay for his mortgage. “I warned y…
