DUNS, SCOTLAND – After years of living in her sister’s shadow, Tilda Swinton’s younger sister, Close Bracket Swinton, is ready to take the acting world by storm by producing, directing and …
Culture
Local man convinces self he’s having good time at back of concert
TORONTO – A local man standing alone at the back of a rap concert at the Rebel Entertainment Complex assures himself that he is having a good time, maybe even better than those at the front. “Hon…
“I’m a musician too,” adds q’s Tom Power for the 500th time
TORONTO – CBC Radio host Tom Power has reminded his guest and listeners that he’s also a musician for the 500th time since taking the helm of q. Power mentioned this fact unprompted during …
Local woman joins cult to get out of choosing a new outfit every day
THUNDER BAY, ON – Last week, Marie Wilson announced that she was leaving modern society behind forever in order to join a Satanic cult, a decision based entirely on her being fed up with ha…
Ellen DeGeneres and George W. Bush bravely find common ground as rich white people
DALLAS, TX – Comedian and LGBTQ+ icon Ellen DeGeneres was seen with former President George W. Bush at a football game this past weekend. Following the backlash, DeGeneres responded by brav…
Top 5 Halloween costumes that are just the Joker you unimaginative white man
As the Halloween season approaches many people spend weeks looking for imaginative, unexpected costumes. Others do not. Beavefeed is here for all those white men who will watch Joaquin Phoenix’s …
“I’ll add it to the list!” promises man who has already forgotten what movie you’re talking about
VANCOUVER – John Sullivan, the man you are currently chatting with at a mutual friend’s party, has already completely forgotten the awesome movie you recommended he watch, despite the fact that h…
Queen announces ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ so done
LONDON – The iconic British poster exhorting citizens to ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ has reached its 2,000,000th recorded parodic variation, prompting Queen Elizabeth II to prohibit any more u…
Trendy sex store introduces ketogenic edible underwear
DIDSBURY, AB – A local sex shop is updating its inventory in an effort to meet the demands of modern lifestyle trends. Melanie Ortassia, manager of the popular adult store “Sex, Drugs, and …
HBO announces production of Chernobyl Christmas special
NEW YORK – Following the massive success of Chernobyl, the miniseries about the world’s worst nuclear disaster, HBO has announced a follow-up special airing this December which will bring a…
