SAN FRANCISCO – Makeup retailer Sephora has introduced a new program where one of their employees will break into your home in the middle of the night and do your makeup for you while you s…
Business
Pizza Pizza celebrates 50th anniversary by ordering Dominos for entire office
TORONTO – In order to celebrate serving what could be described as pizza for 50 years, Pizza Pizza bought all their employees Dominos for lunch. “Everyone is super excited to be rewarded for our …
Inspiring! Company sex robot appointed first female CEO of Uber
SAN FRANCISCO – Uber, the world-conquering ride share and regulation-dodging app, has taken the bold step of appointing its first ever female CEO: Ashlynn Haze, the company sex robot. “We realize…
Siblings irate after father buys golden child a better criminal defense attorney
VANCOUVER – Facing the possibility of life sentences, siblings Lee and Elton Konig were furious to find out today that golden child, James Jr., was getting a better criminal defense attorne…
Sex robot makers are buckling to PC pressure and refusing to make one that looks exactly like my mother
By Harold Bilfat In today’s world, self-actualization is valued above all else. Political correctness tells us everyone is special, and we can be whoever we want to be. Yet, on one subject, polit…
Duolingo app keeps telling people to kill in multiple languages
SILICON VALLEY – Popular languages app duolingo has begun using its friendly, interactive interface to instruct millions of people trying to improve their second language to commit brutal, …
Morneau: Small business owners can continue income sprinkling if they spend one night in haunted house
OTTAWA—Backtracking on controversial reforms, Finance Minister Bill Morneau announced that small businesses would be allowed to keep certain tax advantages, provided they survive one night in a h…
Boss wondering politely if Jewish holidays over yet
CALGARY – Recent developments out of Calgary have suggested that your boss has once again begun the polite but sincere vocal inquiries as to whether the Jewish holidays are finally done and you w…
Taxi company balks at being regulated like a taxi company
MONTREAL – Popular ride-sharing app Uber, which, for all intents and purposes, is a taxi company, has announced it will leave Québec after being asked to follow the same rules already appli…
Watchdog warns hiking minimum wage could lead to 50,000 conversations with your uncle about how the Liberals are ruining the economy
TORONTO – The Financial Accountability Office is warning that Kathleen Wynne’s plan to raise minimum wage to 15 dollars an hour will likely lead to thousands upon thousands of conversations…
