MONTREAL – Popular ride-sharing app Uber, which, for all intents and purposes, is a taxi company, has announced it will leave Québec after being asked to follow the same rules already appli…
Business
Watchdog warns hiking minimum wage could lead to 50,000 conversations with your uncle about how the Liberals are ruining the economy
TORONTO – The Financial Accountability Office is warning that Kathleen Wynne’s plan to raise minimum wage to 15 dollars an hour will likely lead to thousands upon thousands of conversations…
Millennials are killing the Millennial-Killing industry
CALGARY – In addition to the cereal, newspaper, and homeownership industries, reports show millennials are now destroying the once-popular pastime of legal for-profit millennial homicide. W…
Spanx releases new shapewear to smooth out unsightly face fat
ATLANTA – In a press conference earlier today, pioneering shapewear company Spanx unveiled a new shapewear product designed to tone and tighten facial fat for a smoother, more put-together look. …
REPORT: If you die in an Escape Room, you die in real life
VANCOUVER – Casting a dark shadow on a favoured millennial pastime, the Intergovernmental Panel on Escape Rooms released a shocking report today that states in no uncertain terms, if you di…
5 caskets purchased in bulk for funeral of Costco founder
MEDINA, WA – Costco co-founder Jeffrey Brotman was laid to rest last week in one of the caskets purchased in bulk found on aisle 27 near the coffee grinders and hot tubs. According to mourn…
‘Buy American’ legislation forces man to source his kangaroo milk from Nebraska
OHIO- As a result of the America-first economic policies of Donald Trump, Ohioan Brad Frasier now has no recourse but to use inferior, Nebraskan-quality Kangaroo products. “How am I supposed to p…
Ambitious business student dreams of one day receiving bonus for bankrupting company
LONDON, ON – A second year business student is chasing his dream of climbing the corporate executive ladder so that one day he is rewarded with a large executive bonus for running the compa…
Study: 94% of new homeowners not sure what a mortgage actually is
TORONTO – In a surprise set of findings from a Canadian Homeowner’s Association survey, almost all of the nation’s population that owns their own home is completely unaware what a mortgage is, de…
Uber CEO replaced by sleep-deprived foreign student who really needs the cash
SAN FRANCISCO – After months of upheaval within the company, Travis Kalanick has stepped down as the CEO of Uber and will be replaced by a tired foreign student who has to pick up a few ext…
