OTTAWA – Conservative Members of Parliament are proposing a new bill that the party hopes will make refugees feel more at home in Canada by ensuring their new lives remain as destitute and hopele…
Obama announces airstrikes against Ebola
WASHINGTON – Under heavy pressure from the international community to respond, President Barack Obama announced he will use surgical airstrikes in West Africa to defeat Ebola. “The United S…
Drug user replaced by drug dealer in Toronto mayoral race
TORONTO – Notorious drug user Rob Ford has stepped down from his mayoral candidacy and been replaced by his brother, notorious drug dealer Doug Ford. “Torontonians want someone discreet, wh…
Franklin expedition ship still one of Canadian navy’s most advanced
OTTAWA – Royal Canadian Navy officials were overjoyed on Tuesday to learn that their most advanced ship, which was last seen in 1848, had finally been located near King William Island. “This is a…
September 6th, 1917: Billy Bishop shoots down entire German air force
NEAR ARRAS, FRANCE – Canadian fighter ace Captain Billy Bishop of the Royal Flying Corps has shot down the entire German Imperial Air Force capping his aerial victory count to 3,268. After …
Harper finally gets to send troops to Iraq after 11 year wait
NEWPORT, WALES – After waiting over a decade, Prime Minister Stephen Harper will get his wish to send Canadian troops to Iraq. “Canada can be proud to fight alongside with our US allies in …
Joan Rivers dies in last season’s hospital gown
NEW YORK – Legendary comedian Joan Rivers has passed away today wearing a plain, cotton hospital gown that was “so last year,” according to the 81-year-old. “Plain white with polka dots? Th…
Guitarist at bar knows audience is going to love his version of ‘Time of Your Life’
HAMILTON — This past Saturday an amateur musician attending an Open Mic Night at Dooney’s Pub was ready to blow the crowd away with his personal rendition of Green Day’s “…
Frosh week teaches new undergrads a higher level of groupthink
KINGSTON – Canadian institutions of higher learning are welcoming new frosh this week by teaching them the importance of conformity without critical evaluation at the postsecondary level. T…
Thousands of BC students unable to skip school
VANCOUVER – As the province of BC’s public school teachers continue their strike this week, approximately 500,000 students are left unable to skip school. “Where am I supposed to drop my ch…
