WASHINGTON D.C. – A new study by the ACLU has determined that the United States of America imprisons more of its citizens on a per-capita basis than any state in the galaxy, including the r…
Aboriginal tribe using new immigration law to deport all white people
OTTAWA – Following the passage of bill C-24, the Strengthening Canadian Citizenship Act, which gives the government powers to revoke citizenship and deport recent immigrants who have been c…
Canada commits to eleventy percent drop in carbon emissions by year zero-one-infinity
OTTAWA – In a dramatic announcement that will certainly have a huge impact on the economy and environment, Stephen Harper and his government have announced they will enforce policies design…
The Economist magazine ‘mind-numbingly boring,’ says City of Vancouver
VANCOUVER – Responding to criticism from the weekly news magazine The Economist, the City of Vancouver held a press conference Tuesday to publicly decry the magazine’s lack of danger or exc…
Comedian deftly handles heckler’s demand to see boobs by being male
TORONTO – Local stand-up comedian Jeff Brian told reporters today how he swiftly and professionally dealt with a rowdy audience member repeatedly shouting “show us your tits” by being a mal…
Michael Sam becomes latest openly anglophone Montrealer
MONTREAL – A year after becoming the first openly gay football player to be drafted by the NFL, defensive end Michael Sam has become just the latest in a long line of public anglophones inh…
40 minute hold with Rogers ends exactly as man starts to urinate
KITCHENER, ON – Well over half an hour into the hold Jason DeMark was placed on by Canada’s largest cable and wireless provider, his need to go to the bathroom finally overwhelmed him and he bega…
Tough Guy Lobby launches campaign to reclaim tattoos from nation’s hipsters
WINNIPEG – Speaking from a national summit of the Canadian Tough Guy Lobby, spokesman Brick “Brick House” Hammers has announced a nationwide campaign aimed at reclaiming tattoos from Canada…
Plaid burka latest fad in Albertastan
CALGARY – The NDP’s majority win in the Alberta provincial election has had an unforeseen effect on the province, besides just turning it into a fundamentalist Muslim society governed by Sh…
Ontario PCs down 8% in polls after reminding voters they exist
TORONTO – The Ontario Provincial Conservative Party took an 8% dive in the polls after the recently concluded leadership contest reminded Ontarians it was still around. According to the lat…
