BEIJING – Mere hours after being awarded the 2022 Olympic Games Chinese officials say government sweatshop workers are already working 18 hour days to make the snow that will be featured across the games’ ski slopes, toboggan runs and ice rinks.
“Sure, the snow might fall naturally, and we of course own snow making machines,” said Communist Party of China representative Wei Zhi. “But we figured, hey, we have millions upon millions of barely paid quasi-slaves just sitting around, might as well put them to good use.”
The workers themselves reported being grateful for the opportunity.
“Honestly, its better than making ‘Husky” size Old Navy Boys jeans,” said worker Qi Chin as he held an air conditioner up to a dish of water. “Maybe go for a god dam walk sometime Connor.”
“I just wish they hadn’t installed a rule that, like real snowflakes, no two could be the same. Three people this week have been whipped for not making the snow majestic enough.”
Beijing famously hosted the 2008 Summer games as well, making them the first city to successfully bribe the Olympic Committee in both Olympics.