The Conservative Party of Canada released their 162 page 2021 election platform yesterday. Unfortunately few people have been able to stop laughing at the cover long enough to read it. But have n…
Government employee quits, demands new 4 year contract
OTTAWA – Despite being just 2 years into a 4 year contract, local civil servant Justin Trudeau abruptly resigned on Sunday, and then simultaneously demanded a brand new 4 year contract. …
I’m not an anti-vaxxer, I’m just refusing to get a life-saving vaccine during a global pandemic
By: Lyle Vucevic Every time the media describes the thousands of unvaccinated Canadians they talk about us like we are all absurd granola crunching hippies or right-wing Qanon truthers. And frank…
Maclean’s Curse strikes again
WINNIPEG – With Brian Pallister announcing he will not seek re-election as Premier, another victim has fallen to the might of the Maclean’s Resistance Cover curse. “I knew when …
Quebec man who supported banning hijabs thinks vaccine passports are a violation of his personal freedom
MONTREAL – Local man Michelle Savard, who thinks Bill 21 did not go far enough to prevent Muslim women and other religious minorities from dressing how they choose, believes that the recent…
Meet the unvaccinated: This 33 year old mom is a real fucking idiot
With about 10% of the population saying they will not get vaccinated against the deadly COVID-19 virus, we here at The Beaverton have decided to follow every other media outlet in Canada and do o…
NHL’s plan to become league that only caters to MRAs, alt-right trolls and creepy uncles going great
TORONTO – The NHL is reporting progress in their plan to drive away all but their most disturbed and depraved fans by choosing to support sexual offenders and violent, racist trolls. “…
Canada’s male Olympians dream of one day growing up to be as good as Canada’s female Olympians
TOKYO – The men representing Canada at the Tokyo Olympics have expressed their hope that, one day, they could be as good at their sports as the women representing Canada at the Tokyo Olympi…
Anti-vaxxers celebrate killing more people than most dictators
Miami, Florida – With vaccination rates stalling across the developed world even as the Delta Variant kills thousands every day, the global anti-vaccine movement is celebrating the fact tha…
Leafs fans think team should trade their bad players for other teams’ good players
TORONTO – With the NHL offseason in full swing Leafs fans have begun engaging in their usual speculation and prognostication concerning how the team could make itself better by trading some…